More Than Just A Kiss
by Suma99
Summary: Sometimes the smallest thing can change a life. One moment, and a world can change for ever. Even the best laid plans can fail and the repercussions can be terrible... Or wonderful. A second chance for two people who've had far too many chances. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be... Just A Kiss AU sequel. Memories tie-in
1. One Small Thing

**More Than Just A Kiss**

_Disclaimer: Only things I own are Tora and Etana as well as a few minor characters._

_Sometimes the smallest thing can change a life. One moment, and a world can change for ever. Even the best laid plans can fail and the repercussions can be terrible... Or wonderful. A second chance for two people who've had far too many chances. Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be..._

* * *

I know I'm dying. It's not a nice feeling, having your own body turn against you. Especially when you've looked after your body the way I have. No drugs, pretty much no alcohol except when I really can't stand life anymore, regular intensive exercise, although my nose has been broken more times than I care to count. I've survived more explosions, fires, wars and witch trials than I want to remember. At one point, I had the Black Death. I've lived for so long; I've forgotten more than most people will ever know. And I'm dying of a disease twenty times worse than the plague, a thousand times worse than being burnt alive. So I'm going to die today. I keep telling myself, it's not suicide. It's sacrifice. I'm giving my life, what little there is of it anyway, to save my species. For good or bad.

I finish the last letter, seal the envelopes with wax. I hate those pre-glued ones. I know it's silly, but it's just me. I have lots of little quirks like that. I hate using electric cookers. I'm fine with gas and have a flair with an open fire but put me in front of a heated element and I panic. I suppose I'm just too old to learn new tricks. I close the door and move slowly down the stairs. Two months ago, I would have been all the way downstairs by now. But my joints ache and moving hurts. Is this old age? So many of my friends have died of that. Actually, most of my friends have died screaming something along the lines of 'ETANA, HELP ME!' but I try not to think about that.

Then I feel the constriction around my chest and I want to scream NO because I **have** to get down there, have to get that syringe. My hands start to shake and I know I'm about to enter one of my debilitating seizures. And the black crowds around my eyesight.

Then it clears and I'm lying on the stairs, wings twisted under me, body moaning in protest. I pull myself up and allow myself the privilege of a groan of pain. Then I limp downstairs, managing to crawl into the lift to the lower levels. Pressing the button, I pull myself upright and cling desperately to the railing. How much my old enemies would love to see me like this. I'm surprised Grandfather hasn't paid me a visit to gloat. He's probably waiting until I'm so weak I can't even move and then he plans to come to me. To steal my last breath.

Beast looks up.

"Etana, what are you doing down here?"

"I heard about the cure."

"Yes. I'm making refinements and then we'll have you healthy again."

I smile.

"Good. Can I see it?"

Hank points to the desk.

"Don't touch it. I don't want you dying on me. They'll accuse me of injecting it into you."

I freeze.

"Hank, where is it?"

He bounds over.

"What?! Oh my stars and garters, someone's stolen it!"

I feel a clutch around my heart that's nothing to do with the Legacy Virus.

"PIOTR!"

Hank freezes then leaps over to the communicator on the wall.

"Cyclops, get to Colossus **now**!"

I know they won't get there in time. But I might. It's a far cry from the death I'd hoped for, flying in the breeze. But maybe if I can wrestle the syringe off him for long enough, I can inject it into myself. I teleport instinctively, forgetting how weak I am. Hank's scream is the last thing I hear before I leave the beautiful light and Piotr's lying in front of me, spread-eagled on the floor. And then the blackness crushes me and the last thing I can do is whisper to the dead boy.

"That was supposed to be me…"


	2. Letters From the Not-Quite Dead

_**A.N. **Back to Steve..._

* * *

I run into the room, having just sprinted here as fast as I can, desperate to find out what happened to her.

"Where's 'Tana?"

Then I see the prominent colour in the room is black and there are tears on so many faces.

"No…"

Tora leans over to me.

"She's alive Steve." She murmurs something that sounds like "barely" but I clutch at the straws.

"Where is she?"

Her head bows and she murmurs something even quieter under her breath. Beast reaches out and touches my hand.

"Steve, she teleported as the cure took place. She's been healed of the Legacy Virus but…"

"But what Hank? And don't give me any stupid scientific babble. What. Is. Wrong, With. Tana?"

Beast tries to look away and Tora gulps before looking me right in the eye.

"Steve, Etana hasn't woken up since we found her in Colossus' room after she went to try and stop him. You have to understand, based on our previous experiences, and Etana's reaction to the virus, her expected day of death was in two days time. The cure may still have been too late for her."

Dread is all that I'm capable of feeling. To have her back and then to lose her all over again… Tora grabs my hands and pulls me out of the room before taking me through the corridors to a room with a row of beds. Only one is occupied and I look around vainly for Etana before I realise that the grey halo surrounding the dark face **is** Etana. She looks…terrible. Her face is thin, wan and her hair looks like that of an old woman's, not the shining silver it normally is. One hand is resting over the white sheets, fur patchy and skin underneath not much better. Her face is partially obscured by the oxygen mask and her ragged, twisted wings have been carefully laid out around her. She looks…unguarded, vulnerable. Two words that I have never heard used in connection with Shadow. I reach out and tentatively touch her hand. It's cold, but not deathly so. Her chest is moving slightly, and I can feel her pulse. She doesn't respond, the truest, most obvious sign that she isn't awake. Etana, even when asleep, would have stabbed me by now.

"This isn't a sleep, Tora, is it?"

Her head hangs low.

"No."

"It's a coma."

She nods then holds out an envelope with a red seal holding it closed. I frown at her, my eyes asking the question.

"Note for you, from her. She was going to make the sacrifice but Piotr got there first. I don't know if you should read it or not. My letter was about how she felt about me. Charles' was business, how she wanted her body to be disposed of and about mutants in the past, Hank's was telling him not to blame himself. Logan's… Logan's was about his past. About the people he loved and all Etana's notes on the man who did all that stuff to him. He's…not very… Some things are better left alone."

She nods and leaves. I pull a chair over and clasp 'Tana's cold hand between mine.

"Wake up. Please."

No answer. Her face remains as unresponsive as ever. I look down at the letter on my lap, the winged sword stamped into the wax. Etana's personal symbol. Winged, for her wings and a sword for her duty as she put it when I asked. I let go of her hand and prepare to open the letter. Can I do this? Can I read the last thing she ever wanted me to know? Her suicide note in effect. I hesitate then tear it open and unfold the smooth paper.

_Dear Discus-Boy,_

_Don't be sad Steve. Everyone dies. I've lived longer than most so I know it better than most. _

_About what I said in April. I was lying. But I didn't want to hurt you any more than necessary. I hoped you would come after me, ask me to stay. But you didn't. So I assumed you had decided to let me go. It hurt so much. But I couldn't hurt you. When you were unfrozen, I wanted nothing more than to come and visit you. Start where we left off. But it wouldn't be fair to you. I'd die. I'd die in exactly the same way. So I stayed away, and cried myself to sleep. I was asked once about falling in love. I told them I never let myself fall in love. Liar! _

_I hope you understand why I did this. I hope you understand why I did what I did. Live Steve. Don't let Death drag you down. For me, it's just the next adventure. _

_Yours forever,_

_Shadow_

I turn and look at her closed eyes, the serene expression. Then I explode.

"YOU STUPID WOMAN! YOU STUPID, **STUPID** WOMAN! YOU THINK I CARED ABOUT THAT? YOU THINK I CARED THAT WE MIGHT ONLY HAVE A YEAR TOGETHER? THAT'S LONGER THAN I THOUGHT WE MIGHT HAVE! YOU IDIOT! You idiot…"

And I can feel the slight stain of tears on my face. Did she really think I was that…shallow; that I'd push her away because she was going to die? Or was it her just trying to be kind. We're friends, we meet up every week or so and she seemed to think that I wouldn't be cut up about it, or less than I would have been if she let me tell her how I felt. She lies there, completely unresponsive, dead but for a pulse. And she can't hear a word I say. And she said that she was going to die but she isn't dead. She's alive but I don't know for how long. Then a monitor starts to beep and a previously flat line starts spiking and Beast rushes in.

"Steve, get back. Now!"

I stumble backwards as Hank runs his eyes over all the monitors then turns to me.

"Keep talking! She's responding!"

I don't know what I said, merely that I talked at her for a long time and then she gasps and her eyes fly open and Hank collapses backwards. She looks around, eyes wide with fear and I see an Etana I never thought I'd see. She's scared… She is actually **scared**. Then she rips the mask off and screams a name.

"PIOTR!"

She's breathing fast, trying to grasp at Hank.

"Beast, Colossus… What happened…?"

"I'm sorry Etana. He's dead."

She slumps backwards and cradles her head in her hands.

"That was supposed to be me… She is going to **kill** me…"

I step forward, and Hank just touches my hand and steps back. My primary emotion is anger. She's just come back, almost from the dead, and all she can worry about is the fact that someone else made the sacrifice she wanted to make.

"'Tana?"

She looks up.

"Steve? What are you doing here?"

"You told me you'd die today."

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint."

The tone is biting, sarcastic. That tears it.

"WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?"

I'm vaguely aware of Hank leaving quietly. Etana looks flustered.

"Steve…"

"YOU CAN BE A HERO IN YOUR OWN TIME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT YOU ARE **NOT** DYING WHEN I'M AROUND, DO YOU HEAR ME? NO ONE DIES ON CAPTAIN AMERICA'S WATCH!"

She just looks so bewildered, so confused. I point at the letter. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens slightly.

"Ah… You weren't supposed to read that…"

I can't help it. All I can do is kiss her, careful not to bruise the bones in her face where I'm holding her head. When I pull away, she blinks and suddenly gets a familiar glint in her eye.

"If I'd known all I had to do to get you to do that was almost die, I'd quite frankly be suicidal by now."

I can't speak, not to such an offhand remark. Finally, I manage to splutter out my protest.

"**Tana**…"

She gives me **that** look. The, 'oh let's tease Steve' look she gets far too often. I swear she makes it her job to annoy me at least once a day.

"Come on Steve. Would you have…what's the slang they use nowadays? Ah yes, would you have 'made a move' if I **wasn't** dying?"

Fine, she knows me a little too well. I can feel my ears turn red again.

"Oh stop blushing Discus-Boy. Anyone would think **I'd** kissed **you**."

"Who kissed who?"

I turn to see Tora leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, an odd look in her eye.

"Please tell me you two are **finally** going to get together. It's got to the point where I can smell the pheromones and they don't have a scent."

Fine. I'm being lectured by a woman born sixty years after me. This is slightly embarrassing.

"I'll just go and keep the others away, shall I?"

She spends **far** too much time around Etana. 'Tana smiles at me.

"So, what did you want to tell me?"

"Er… I… I…I…er…"

And I tell her. Three little words I should have said a **long** time ago.


	3. Romance and Other Comedies

"Master Rogers, it's your friend again."

"Thank you Jarvis."

Etana is waiting in the main living area, managing to ignore Clint peppering her with questions.

"So you're **how** **old** exactly?"

"I lost count years ago."

"And you can fly?"

"What does it **look** like?"

"And you teleport? Which is really cool. And you knew Nick Fury when he had both eyes?"

"Yes, I knew Nick when he had binocular vision and depth perception. Hi Steve."

She rolls her eyes, a very difficult motion to catch as her eyes are all silver.

"Clint, don't you have something you should be doing?"

He shrugs.

"Not really. It's much more fun to annoy Feathers here."

'Tana just sighs and turns on her image inducer.

"Do you **know** how much easier my life has become with this gadget? The golden age was the Middle Ages when I could pass myself off as an angel. The only danger would be getting injured and being accused of being a demon. I was almost burned at the stake **eighteen** times!"

That apparently sinks it for Clint who starts laughing. 'Tana just sighs.

"Remind me to burn **him** at the stake at some point."

Clint shuts up. That's the thing with 'Tana. Very few people can tell when she's joking. I can tell by the slight crinkling of the skin around her eyes that she's teasing but to Clint, all he sees are these dark brown eyes that glow in a faintly threatening way. I offer her my arm.

"I don't think Jarvis would like it if you set fire to him here."

She laughs and takes it.

"Do you want to leave the easy way or the hard way?"

"Easy please. Away from the cameras."

She grins and teleports us away. We reappear in a bustling street.

"Where are we?"

"Come on Mr I-Know-Every-Street-In-New-York. You tell **me**."

"38th Street, Manhattan."

She laughs happily.

"Correct!"

"I had to ask to be polite."

"There's a kosher restaurant here. I hope you don't mind, it's just horrible to try and find a kosher dish in a non-kosher restaurant."

"That's fine."

"Good. So Mister America, now we're both off duty, what do you want to do?"

"**Mister** America?"

"I have an inferiority complex. I don't like addressing you as Captain unless I get to be General. And you're off duty."

It's hard to believe that a little under a month ago, she was dying of the Legacy Virus. This is the first time Beast has allowed her out of either mansion and I think it was only because she said she wanted to catch up with me that he let her go. We walk through the bustling passers-by and I have to keep glancing at her to get used to the sight of her without the wings and tail and fur. She looks…odd. Beautiful but not my 'Tana. I think her facial structure is the same because the eyes are the same almond shape only a deep brown and… I hate to say it like this…normal. Normal for most people I mean. Normal for her would be soft silver. Her hair is a glossy black and her skin is tanned, the sort of tan you need to have spent a lifetime in the sun to get. She throws her head back, laughing at some private joke and pulls me into a calm restaurant. A man hurries over and smiles.

"Miss Zillah! It's good to see you again. We thought you must have moved. And your friend?"

"Captain Rogers. An old friend of mine. Jacob, can you take us to the usual table?"

He nods and we are shown to a small table in the corner of the room. I can **tell** Etana chose it. Shadowed, with a view across the entire restaurant and into the street as well as set back from all fire exits, toilets and the kitchen. In other words, the perfect place for a suspicious teleporter to sit. The server gives us a smile.

"The usual Ma'am?"

She nods.

"And for sir?"

I flick through the menu and order then glance at 'Tana.

"How often do you come here?"

"Quite a lot."

"You? Have a habit? I thought you said habits got you killed?"

"I've changed Discus-Boy. Maybe you hadn't noticed."

I bow my head.

"I'd noticed."

And I have. She's more…not exactly **open**…maybe…less suspicious. More free with her affections. She shows people she cares a lot more than she used to.

"So, why exactly **did** you invite me out?"

I shrug.

"I suppose…it's the change from platonic to…er…"

"Romantic? Oh, how sweet."

"Can you be any more sarcastic?"

"Look, I practically **invented** modern sarcasm. So, what **are** we doing after this?"

"Er… I was thinking… you know that British comedy show you're always showing me?"

"Which one? Monty Python? The Goodies? Doctor Who? Now **that** was a day and a half…"

I do not want to know. 'Tana suggesting she knows a fictional character from a sci-fi show with a cult following isn't **actually** that mad.

"Monty Python. I managed to get tickets to that show… What's it called…?"

"**You** got tickets for Spamalot! Oh **Steve**."

And they're worth every cent for the look on her face. I finally have a chance to get back at her.

"If that doesn't work out, I can take them back."

"Don't you **dare** Steve!"

And then the food comes. We laugh and talk and eat and I wish I could see her face, her **real** face because I think it's a thousand times more beautiful than the face she's using right now.

"You and your comedy shows. I still can't believe you wrote a computer program **just** to automatically download podcasts of your favourite radio shows. Whatever podcasts **are**."

"Do not mock _I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue_! It is the **epitome** of punning. And I must say, Jeremy Hardy's singing **does** qualify for an award as I swear I've never heard as bad a singer! Except from Tora, but she doesn't count."

"I don't get Mornington Crescent! The rules sound horribly complicated."

"Steve, the rules are **meant** to sound complicated. That's part of the joke."

I shrug. I have never **seen** as much chaos as when she persuaded the X-Men to play '_One Song To The Tune Of Another_'. Beast has a good voice apparently. Tora rivalled the esteemed Mr Hardy although she was a lot less good-natured about it. Seemingly the laughing got a little too much for her and she attacked the pianist for messing around with the tune of the original song. Things went to a head when someone challenged Cyclops to sing 'Killer Queen' to the tune of Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkryies'. Etana has been banned from playing anymore _Clue_ games by Professor X. They **still** won't talk about what happened to the TV. We finish and settle the bill before leaving.

"We still have an hour before the show starts. What do you want to do?"

"I **was** going to suggest a Goodies marathon but my sides can't take so much laughter. How about we go for a walk?"

I nod and we end up in Central Park, with **ice-creams **that she insisted on paying for, on account of 'I'm richer than Tony Stark, despite giving away 10% of my net worth every year'. Don't ask. It's getting dark but 'Tana is just smiling slightly and gazing across the bridge.

"Are you okay?"

She shrugs.

"My life had always been…structured. I had a timeline to keep on course, people to save, places to go. And now…now I'm free! No more burden about saving lives because I **have** to. Now I can save lives because I **want** to. I have a whole blank canvas spread out in front of me. I… I could be **anyone**, do anything."

She smiles an odd smile and whispers so quietly I almost can't hear her.

"…Love anyone."

And I pull her in for a hug. My Shadow, my 'Tana who I lo… What the…


	4. Old Friends, Old Enemies

We pull back from the water as the monster rises up from it. I swear when I realise that I left my shield back at headquarters. Etana just leaps into the air, her wings still hidden by the image inducer so it looks like she's flying without any form of lift. And she turns the inducer off and pulls out a sword from the scabbard on her back. The monster speaks to her in a language I don't understand and 'Tana responds in the same hissing language. The thing doesn't appreciate her response and she's thrown backwards by its tail hitting her. She spins then rights herself and lunges towards it. The sword clatters to my feet as a clawed hand catches her. She screams as it tightens its grip on her. She's hurting. I can see blood welling up from cuts. I grab the sword and throw it. The monster screams as the sword hits its foreleg and releases 'Tana. Lunges at me. Then I hear it talking in English, and **the voice**. It's like nothing I've ever heard before.

"You are the Sssshadow'ssss lover. Sssshe will mourn your death as I mourned the death of mine. Die puny human and the Sssshadow will SSSSCREAM!"

Then it falters and collapses. Etana straightens up and I see the knife she's dug hilt-deep into the back of the monster's head.

"I **thought** I'd got rid of her years ago."

"What the…"

"She's an alien. Came here with her tribe centuries ago. This one here was a friend of mine when we first met. Her family ended up trying to eat everyone in Rome. I begged her to stop but she just laughed and my friendship was pushed aside. Goodbye Marik."

"Tana, you…you just killed it…"

"She was going to eat you and you would have died incredibly slowly inside the acid of her stomach. Then she would have torn me to shreds and eaten most of New York. I've dealt with her kind before."

"Couldn't you have… I don't know, trapped it?"

"Steve, these things are damn near impossible to wound and trapping one would just be saving yourself trouble for next time."

"You still killed it!"

"Marik killed over eight **hundred** people the last time we met because I didn't deal with her instantly, because I thought she could still be a friend. I wasn't going to make that mistake again."

I feel the anger fly up.

"She could have changed!"

"In case you hadn't noticed, she **was** about to kill you."

"And you killed it! You said they were impossible to wound!"

"One weak spot in the nape of the neck. Hit it at exactly the right angle and you sever the spinal cord."

"How many of these things have you killed?!"

She is standing right in front of me now, eyes flashing dangerously and I see why she has been called the Shadow. There's a…darkness inside her.

"Enough to mean that humanity survived!"

Suddenly I hear a camera click and turn to see photographers and journalists. Etana snarls and sweeps her sword up from the shallow water where it landed, wipes it on the grass and sheaths it. She then tugs the knife out of the monster's back, cleaning the blade and hilt before flipping it around in her left hand. She then presses her right hand to the monster's head.

"Goodbye old friend. I will miss you. But you threatened humanity. I could have understood you killing me, but threatening those I care about? Marik, you should have known better."

Then she closes the huge, multi-faceted eyes and presses her forehead to the centre point.

"If only you'd listened. I had so much to show you, show you how this world was beautiful."

And I realise how much it hurt her to kill this beast. It wasn't a monster to her. It was a friend. And she had been forced to kill it because it…**she** threatened me. Her eyes are dark and I swear I see a tear slide down her face. The knife suddenly slashes and blood runs from her palm and she presses it to the base of the neck.

"Blood to blood, heart to heart, mind to mind, soul to soul. Sister, forgive me."

And she lapses into a language that sounds ancient and foreign. And I know how bad she feels about the death. The blood proves it. What did she say? 'We were friends'. She called her Sister. I feel a tugging on my sleeve.

"Sir?"

I turn. A nervous looking journalist is standing biting his lip.

"Yes?"

It comes out a bark, made hoarse by anger and a little fear. I was helpless just then. And I could have, **would **have died.

"Er, who is your companion?"

I blink then decided to showcase her well.

"Her name is Shadow… and she's supposedly having a relaxing break to recover from the Legacy Virus. Her idea of an adventure holiday is…scary."

The reporter looks scared and I wade in towards 'Tana.

"Do you want to go home?"

She turns a tear-stained face towards me.

"Yes."

I take her hand and find myself in a room in that place I bought in Brooklyn when I wanted a rest from the Avengers. Etana collapses onto the couch and presses her face to her hands.

"I killed her…"

I kneel on the ground and touch her lap.

"You did what you had to."

She looks so sad…

"And over the years it has destroyed me…"


	5. Duty of Destruction

"What do you mean?"

"Duty. All my life, I have done what needs to be done. Never what I **wanted** to do. There has only been one thing that I have made my own choice on. One thing I wanted that I thought I could never have."

"What?"

She just looks at me.

"What?"

"Work it out, Steve."

And then it clicks.

"Me…?"

She nods softly.

"You."

"Only me?"

"You have been the only person I would leave a war to save, the only person whose life I would put against two, three, a thousand others. Every other person I've ever met, no matter how much I care about, I would leave behind if I had to. I could leave Logan to a painful death if it would save even three other lives. But you? I would willingly allow the world to die to keep you alive."

"Don't ever do that 'Tana."

She gives me a look.

"I wouldn't Steve. Frankly, I think you'd probably hate me forever if I let one other person die because of my… What was the word Athena used? Ah yes. My infatuation with you."

"Athena? Hercules's sister?"

"Yes."

Then something else permeates my brain.

"One other? 'Tana?"

She hangs her head.

"I was watching you when you…fell into the sea. I knew it would happen and I went. Just to say goodbye. I was tempted… just to throw everything to the wind and catch you. But I didn't. I returned back to Haven. And they were all dead."

I grab her hands.

"All of them? Max?"

"I thought Max was dead. My house fell in when he was still there. I killed every last one of those murdering **pigs** and I made their leader kneel at my feet and beg and grovel and scream for mercy. Then I killed him. And then I buried my people and tried to dig through the wreckage. I found a body in the house and buried it under Max's name. Turns out it was a Nazi who'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Burnt to death. If I'd dug just a few feet more, I'd have found Max…"

"You've met him since then haven't you?"

She just nods and refuses to say another word. The image inducer flickers back on and the dark haired woman appears.

"Look 'Tana, I understand if you don't want to go out…"

She shrugs.

"You choose. I don't mind."

"She was your friend."

"And she threatened you! Do you not understand? I've lived my entire life alone! I have never loved! Oh, I cared for Logan and Max, but not in that way! I have lived with friends, but none of them truly know me! And I'm trying to maybe just change that!"

Then there's a knock on the door.

"Steve, I didn't hear you come in. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Miss Kapplebaum!"

"Is someone in there with you?"

I open the door and smile at the old woman.

"Anna, meet Etana."

Etana stands up and dips her head in the deferent gesture I know is her trying to stop herself bowing.

"A pleasure to meet you Ma'am."

Anna looks charmed and then notices the Star of David pendant that I know Etana is actually wearing.

"Oh, you are like me!"

Etana smiles.

"You are…German?"

"Yes."

"I am sorry."

I understand what she's talking about. And Anna does as well.

"Yes. You have heard much about it?"

"Of course. I lost many people."

"You cannot be older than thirty!"

Etana laughs a soft, slightly bitter laugh.

"I know."

Anna slips up her sleeve to reveal the tattoo.

"I would have died in the camps if it wasn't for Captain America. And the Angel."

I feel I have to ask.

"The Angel?"

"Oh, I suppose you'll think I was mad now. But the Angel saved my life so many times. We all knew about her. Walls were nothing to her. We had so many stories about her. I loved the one that she was the Half-Fallen…"

"Half-Fallen?"

Etana is being quite quiet. Now it's time to see if my suspicion is right.

"We decided that she was one of the angelic host who refused to take a side in the battle between God and Satan. And because of that, she was cast out of Heaven but not sent to Hell. So she wanders the Earth, helping people in the attempt to return back to Heaven. Moonshine I know, but we made up the stories just to explain her. Oh, she was beautiful. As dark as midnight, with these huge wings and silver eyes and hair. She had this velvet fur and a tail that I saw her use as a hand."

Yep, definitely Etana.

"Oh, the stories we used to tell about her. She spoke to me once. A guard was threatening me and she just appeared behind him and held a knife to his throat. And she just looked at me and said-"

"If you want this dog dead, all you have to do is say the word."

Anna's mouth drops open. Etana is standing by the window, head downcast, as if she didn't realize what she said.

"You know of the Angel?"

"I can tell you what happened to her later."

"Tell me."

"She fell in love with someone totally unsuitable, someone who was doomed to be sent away from her. And she fell in love with him anyway. Went to see her love fall. And when she got back, the people she'd sworn to protect had been massacred. She grew to hate herself. Then she met a man, just as good as her first love and found it in her heart to love again. Fell ill with a terrible disease and tried to heal the world. Survived and was able to be with the man she loved."

"How do you know this?"

She turns, her eyes sparkling in the dying sun.

"Because I do."

I check my watch.

"Tana, did you want to go to the show? It's just its starting in an hour and we need to be there."

She nods absentmindedly.

"Yes…"

Her fingers trace down the glass and she walks over to me.

"Shall we walk?"

I nod and we start down the stairs, saying goodbye to Anna as we go.

Etana seems…distracted through the entire performance and I know she's thinking about the past.

"Etana?"

"I'm fine Steve. Just a little…thoughtful."

"About what?"

"About… Steve, I've just realised something."

"What?"

"The Shadow has to die."

"What…?!"

"The Shadow has to die. So Etana can finally live."

And then I realise. For Etana to properly be with me, the Shadow, or rather the principles on which she based her life, has to be destroyed. She can't be in a relationship **and** be the Shadow at the same time. It's like being hot and cold, being liquid and solid. As Shadow everything is justice first, then duty, then honour and finally personal feelings. Which means if she had to, she would leave me without one look back. No matter how much it would hurt her. She'd just walk away. That's what made her tell me we couldn't be together. And now she's just Etana. Shadow is gone.

"You mean that?"

She nods.

"I think I'll drop the Justice's part of my title. Just Shadow. Not **the** Shadow. No more Justice's Shadow. Just…Shadow."

"So then Just Shadow, are we going to be serious all night or are we going to a comedy show?"

She smiles and nods.

"I'll get us there."


	6. Poisoned Chalice

I just give her an apologetic look. This is our eighth sort-of-date and our eighth to be interrupted. Our first was interrupted by a murderous alien. The second never happened as there was a crisis with Logan and Tora. The third ended up with me leaving the cinema halfway through the film because of an Avengers crisis. The forth I don't even want to **think** about. The fifth and seventh were both halted halfway through because each time we saw a mugging happening and interfered. The sixth ended when Fury turned up looking furious, or more so than usual, then ordered Etana to come and tell him exactly **why** he now had three bodies on his hands. Etana just jerked her head at me and Nick shut up. I don't exactly know what to make of that. This time we were kidnapped. Now we're sitting at opposite ends of the room, with two wine glasses in front of us. One poisoned, one not. We both drink and the survivor is let loose. Frankly, I don't know why they bother.

"Look, let me drink both."

She just **looks** at me.

"Steve, do you trust me?"

"With my life."

She opens her mouth.

"But not with yours."

She rolls her eyes.

"I need you to trust me."

She steps over and pours the wine from one glass into the other and gently swills it around, inhaling the scent.

"I don't think diluting it will-"

She snaps her head back and drinks.

"TANA!"

She winks then suddenly starts to cough. Blood splatters the floor. Foam builds up around her mouth. She staggers and coughs again. I catch her.

"Damn you 'Tana. Why?"

"Trust…me…"

And she goes limp. The poison acted that fast… The door opens and I start to carry her to it. I tighten my grip on her, wondering why on Earth she did what she did. I cross the threshold and then suddenly she leaps up and spins around, hand moving swiftly and I know she's going for a knife that our captor wouldn't have realised was hidden on her. And so she does, drawing it from some sort of secret, padded compartment in her trousers. I swear she's actually about three inches thinner, but has knives everywhere. I remember something she said once.

"I always have one more knife than you think I have."

Which right know brings her count up to thirty-nine. I'm unarmed and I don't know whether she would want me to fight but I do automatically step behind her to cover her back. It's reflex now.

She turns round, holding up the rather mousy looking man who looks more like a boy than anything else.

"What is your opinion Captain? I don't like being sort-of poisoned, despite being immune to all forms of toxins. Makes getting drunk impossible."

The boy just stares.

"How did you do it?"

"Oh, faking? Well, the wine you used had an odd smell that only eighteen poisons have. Most of those are insoluble or would give a bitter taste to the wine or are incredibly slow-acting and one only makes you throw up. That left two and one is only known by one person, and that's me. I've used the poison you planned to give me and know the symptoms. I bit my tongue to get the blood and simply faked the staggering."

"Your heart stopped! I saw the readings!"

She smiles a feral, dark smile.

"The heart is a muscle. Learn to control it."

She grins again, something that is more frightening than anything I've ever seen before.

"Very easy to do once you know how."

Right now, I'm a little preoccupied but a little part of me files away the knowledge to **never** accept anything Etana's prepared when she's mad at me. She suddenly smiles at the boy.

"You know, that's the first time that's **ever** happened to me. I think you deserve points for originality."

He mumbles something under his breath. She frowns and leans in.

"What?"

"Got it off the Princess Bride."

Etana suddenly bursts out laughing.

"What?"

"And where do you think **they** got it?"

A moment's silence then…

"You?"

"Of course."

She lets him go.

"If you ever happen to come up with some amazing new poison, ask for Shadow, care of the Avengers."

"ETANA!"

"What?"

"You can't just go around with poisons everywhere!"

"I have since I was about eighty. No big deal."

"You've been carrying lethal poisons since sometime around 930BC?"

"BCE thank you very much. And yes."

"How many did you have when we first met?"

"On me? Eight. In the house, thirty-six, including my collection of nerve poisons."

I don't know whether to laugh or to start shaking my head in despair at her.

"Well, seeing as world domination wasn't his intention, I'm just going to let him go. Off you shoot. And if I hear about this ridiculous business again, then I will find you and do something nasty involving a little known poison from Atlantis."

What am I getting myself into?


	7. Arrows

When I come down, she's talking to Clint.

"What you fail to understand is the longbow and the Mongolian horn bow were designed for two **totally** different purposes. The longbow is a joy to use, I admit it freely, but the horn bow is an engineering miracle. It's amazing, not only on a horse, but on dragonback as well and I find it easy to aim with from the air."

"You know, I **am** the best shot with a bow and arrow in the world?"

Etana grins.

"Want to find out? Because I think it should be clear. You're the best archer in the world who **brags** about it. You're what, thirty? Thirty-three? I'm three-thousand, give or take a decade or two. Archery contest? Starting at 10 metres, continuing until someone doesn't hit the bull?"

Clint grins.

"Of course."

"If we reach a point where there isn't any room left in the archery bay, we go to moving targets, progressively getting smaller and faster. Agreed?"

Clint whoops and I just **know** he's getting all excited about a proper contest. Unfortunately, for him at least, an hour later, 'Tana hits the heart of a penny-sized target, moving very fast and somehow involved curving the shot. She just turns and grins at Clint who goes pale. He's **never** made that shot and he knows it. He gulps and Etana just leans back on the wall, her bow held languidly in her right hand. I asked her about the fact her bow and sword are some of the only weapons she carries that are the same. She just looked at me and said that sentimentality over weapons that weren't unique was going to get you killed. The bow is an engineering marvel, designed out of, much to my amazement, bone and metal, folding down to a quarter-size and built in the Renaissance. She also has a carbon-fibre bow she likes to use when she needs strength because her main one is designed to be accurate, not deep. Clint's arrow sails through the air and just brushes the edge of the target before falling to the ground. He sighs then walks over to 'Tana and offers her his hand.

"You are the best damn archer I have **ever** met."

She laughs.

"You know, you are one of the best archers I have met as well."

Clint goes red and I know that by tomorrow it will be 'You're the best archer other than me in the world'.

"Thanks."

She grins then goes to retrieve her arrows before clasping Clint's arm.

"How about doing this next week? I liked having someone to test myself against."

Hawkeye grins.

"Yeah. I think I'd like that."

She smiles at me.

"Sorry about that…"

"It's fine. I liked watching you practise. Would you like to…?"

She smiles and suddenly she's holding a knife.

"I'll go get the shield."


	8. Awkward Revalations

I wince as Hank carefully wraps the bandage around my wrist.

"Steve, what **possessed** you to fight her when you already **knew** how good she was?"

Clint whoops.

"It was brilliant! At one point, she ran up the wall, kicked herself off and knocked Steve right over! And when he had her in a full arm-lock, she stabbed him with her **tail**! That's where that cut came from!"

I don't know how to react. 'Tana is better than ever and also didn't hold back for one second. Clint then turns and grins.

"Then she kicked him between the legs, three times!"

"Clint, right now I'm not feeling very happy. I have just gained bruising to my ribs and, as you have already so kindly pointed out, was kicked three times in quick succession. I'm not in the best humour."

Suddenly Etana sticks her head in and gives an embarrassed smile.

"Do you have a spare bandage anywhere?"

"Over there?"

She walks over and I spot a slight limp. She picks up the bandage, looks around then sighs.

"What?"

She shakes her head then just slices into her trousers to reveal a huge gash along her thigh.

"Caught myself."

I freeze, remembering when at the very beginning she moved a little too close to the wall where a nail was and froze. And I didn't even see her catch her leg. She fought me with a six-inch gash that is probably a lot deeper than it looks. And now I realise exactly **why** she wears clothes the colour of fresh blood. It hide her injuries, makes her look more invulnerable. If I'd seen the cut, or the spreading blood, I would almost certainly have gone easier on her, but most real opponents would go in for the kill. Clint is staring at her as the white bandage suddenly goes red and I realise exactly how much blood there is. She winces and then cuts out a whole section of her clothes.

"Dammit. Now I need to buy new clothes. I **liked** these trousers."

Clint is staring again and I start looking for something to throw before he says something stupid and ends up dangling out of the window. 'Tana beats me to it.

"You know, unless you're a mutant healer, staring isn't going to do anything."

He blushes and Hank coughs slightly so he starts and shoots out.

"Do you want me to sort that?"

"No. I heal quickly. And I've learnt to treat myself. I can't always get to someone I trust."

Hank is staring at her now.

"You know, I've always wondered about the adaptions allowing your body for flight…"

Her wings tuck in defensively.

"Listen to me. There is one thing and one thing alone that all my father's people automatically knew when they gained their wings. Even Warren, who was born after the others were all dead, knows it. Our wings are intensely private. Often, we only allow two, three people to touch them. Our parents, when they hold us close, our partner when we pull them to us and our children when they need our protection. I have never known my father, never had a lover and consequently never had children. No one has **ever** touched my wings without my permission."

"Not even Max?"

She just **looks** at me.

"Max was claustrophobic. I would never wrap my wings around him. He would panic."

"Max?"

Etana just stares at me.

"You may know him as Magneto."

I stiffen up.

"Magneto…? 'Tana, that isn't funny."

"It's not meant to be Steve."


	9. Not A Hero

Hank and I are silent. Etana just sighs and turns to us.

"Oh, should I mention, I wasn't the one who gave him ideas of mutant supremacy? I thought he was a normal boy. I didn't even know he had survived until he attacked last Christmas."

"Magneto is…Max?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"

I shudder, remembering the quiet, introspective boy with silver hair and then trying to compare him to the powerful mutant I've fought. And then I realise where I've seen his helmet before.

"He has your helmet, doesn't he?"

She nods and looks slightly annoyed.

"Yep. Adamantine, unbreakable and I lost it in Haven. I gave it to him to keep him safe and he **still** hasn't given it back."

"Adamantium wasn't synthesised until recently!"

"**Adamantine**, not adamantium, Pym. Don't you know Herc? It was a present from Athena when I was about two-hundred-and-fifty. I still wear the complete set for battle scenarios."

She finishes binding her leg then gets up.

"I think I need to go. Just got a little call to arms."

"You're injured! You can't fight!"

She just stares at us.

"I've led charges in battles after marching for three days without food and an infected wound in my left arm, or for more of a point, my **sword** arm. I am more than capable of fighting today."

She then disappears in a black cloud and Hank just stares at me before mouthing 'Magneto?'

"What do I know? She never talks about what happened. I think it still hurts her."

Hank just stares at me.

"I don't know what you see in her Steve. She's dangerous, lethal and I think she has a great deal on her blood on her hands."

"So do I Hank. I was a soldier. I did **kill **people for a living."

"But I doubt you've killed as many as she has."

"Hank, I don't doubt 'Tana has killed a lot of people but I do know one thing."

"What?"

"She does not kill people who don't deserve it. You know the sword she carries? It's…well, not exactly **magic** but something close. You can't hurt innocent people with it."

Hank sighs.

"Steve, you're blinded by her."

"Listen Hank. You weren't **there**. You didn't see what she poured out to those people. She gave everything and expected nothing in return. I saw in her eyes she would die for any one of them. She's one of the first heroes Hank."

"The first hero? Steve, she's a vigilante! Not a hero!"

"That was what she had to be!"


	10. Writer's Angel

Her head is tilted back as Beast shines a light into her silver eye.

"You're working yourself too hard. You're going to end up killing yourself."

She sighs.

"I've worked myself harder than this Hank. I know my own limits."

"You aren't the Lonely Angel anymore Etana. You're an X-Man. You have Jamie who adores you and you teach History. You can't keep working yourself to death like this."

"I can't stop Hank. I have to do something else I go insane."

"Take up a hobby."

"Can play eighteen instruments at concert level, have read every classic novel over fifty at least twelve times, even the ones I didn't like very much, can't do extreme sports as they're far too like the 'day job' and used to co-write plays with a very famous writer. And very successful they are too."

Hank frowns.

"Who?"

She says a name and I splutter. **That** playwright?

"Err…Etana…?"

"Yes, I did help write William Shakespeare's plays. I did most of Anthony and Cleopatra, as well as coming up with some of his famous quotes. Have you heard 'such stuff as dreams are made'? 'Heart of gold'? 'Off with his head'? 'Stand on ceremony'? 'Music is the food of love'? 'You've got to be cruel to be kind'? 'A wild-goose chase'? 'You **can** have too much of a good thing', which he adapted… 'Forever and a day' was one of mine, when he asked how long I'd been alive. 'Love is blind', although that was when I was telling him that the woman he was seeing was a scrounger and a cheat. 'Seen better days', and I did say 'the world's like one of your plays', which he adapted very quickly."

Hank is staring at her open-mouthed and she smirks at him.

"See, I don't need a hobby. I have a fully-balanced, very full schedule and my schedule says that right now, I'm supposed to be going for dinner with Steve."

Hank grins.

"And when shall we be expecting a happy announcement?"

Etana stiffens and I suddenly realise something. No one, and I mean **no one**, knows what we are to each other. I leap in.

"Hopefully by next month Beast. I'm wearing her away, slowly but surely."

He laughs and 'Tana relaxes. She gives Hank a dazzling smile.

"I can give you a signed copy of the first edition of the 'missing play'."

"You… You…"

Etana laughs, jumps up and grins.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch date to go to."


	11. Alleluia

I walk up the stairs and as I get closer to Etana's floor I hear the song she's playing. I know the lyrics but I've never heard the singer.

"_I've heard there was a secret chord  
That David played, and it pleased the Lord  
But you don't really care for music, do you?  
It goes like this  
The fourth, the fifth  
The minor fall, the major lift  
The baffled king composing Alleluia"_  
The voice goes into the Hallelujahs, singing powerfully, a gorgeous voice that I wish I could identify. The Hallelujahs are lilted, sounding more like 'Alleluia'. Whoever the singer is, I'm surprised I've never heard any of the other Avengers playing her music.

"_Your faith was strong but you needed proof  
You saw her bathing on the roof  
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you  
She tied you to a kitchen chair  
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair  
And from your lips she drew the Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia"_  
I don't want to knock at the door in case she turns the music off. I have a key but I think it would be very rude just to open the door on her.

"_Baby I have been here before  
I know this room, I've walked this floor  
I used to live alone before I knew you.  
I've seen your flag on the marble arch  
Love is not a victory march  
It's a cold and it's a broken Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia"_  
I think I hear steps, following the music. Is Etana dancing? I know she loves dancing. She told me that herself. I can see her dancing to this.

_"There was a time when you let me know  
What's really going on below  
But now you never show it to me, do you?  
And remember when I moved in you  
The holy dove was moving too  
And every breath we drew was Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia"_  
I never knew she liked this song. I rest my hand on the door, preparing to open the door but I can't, not when the voice goes into the next verse.

"_Maybe there's a God above  
But all I've ever learned from love  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
It's not a cry you can hear at night  
It's not somebody who has seen the light  
It's a cold and it's a broken Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia"  
_I crouch down and rest my back on the door, just listening to the singer, the wonderful, amazing singer._  
_

_"You say I took the name in vain  
But I don't even know the name  
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?  
There's a blaze of light in every word  
It doesn't matter which you heard  
The holy or the broken Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia"  
_I know the song is finishing, so I stand up and just rest my head to the cold wood. Etana loves music in the way I love art, playing at least eighteen instruments, although I've never heard her sing. _  
_

_"I did my best, it wasn't much  
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch  
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you  
And even though it all went wrong  
I'll stand before the Lord of Song  
With nothing on my tongue but Alleluia"  
_I unlock the door as the singer goes into the final Hallelujahs. I step in quietly and my mouth drops open. Etana is dancing slowly, moving around the room, eyes closed, arms above her head as she sings in that gorgeous, wonderful voice.

"_Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia, Alleluia  
Alleluia"_

She stops, sways from side to side and her face just goes into a peaceful expression

"That's beautiful."

She starts, her eyes snapping open, arms instantly dropping into a defensive position.

"Steve!"

"Sorry. I…I shouldn't have done that. Where did you learn to sing like that?"

She smiles.

"I always have been able to sing like that. I just…don't."

"Why not? That was beautiful?"

She smiles sadly.

"I gave up singing years ago. But…I recorded the music for this over time, ever since I heard the first version, and was just putting the lyrics into the song. Funny. I remember Bathsheba and David when it first happened. I wasn't exactly the most happy about it."

She leans over to the laptop and presses a button, drags the mouse and I see an oscilloscope trace on the screen. She deletes the last bit, the bit where we were talking and plays it over again, frowning. The music plays as well, and it sounds…amazing.

"How did you do that?"

"I started by recording the drum-beat. Then the other instruments. I wasn't certain I should sing. It's just…I have some sad memories…"

"Who was it?"

"We used to sing all the time. Me and him…"

A man? I instantly feel a flash of jealously.

"He taught me to sing properly and we sang together. I sang at his funeral. And I swore I'd never sing again."

"Why?"

Her eyes look down.

"He took me in when I was just a girl who'd lost her family. He was like a father to me. I haven't sung properly since I was forty-five. Just snatches now and then."

"That long?"

She nods and clicks a few more keys on the computer and the music plays, everything in perfect harmony. She closes her eyes and mouths the words, swaying slightly to the beat.

"Can I have a recording?"

She shrugs.

"I'll burn a CD."

She treats it like it's so off-hand. Worthless. How can she be so derogatory to her own talents?

"You could be a professional singer."

"And you could be a professional artist. I just… I don't sing often. There are too many memories."

She drops her head.

"I…I wanted to see if… I could still sing."

"Etana, it was beautiful."

She smiles shyly.

"Thank you."

* * *

_**A.N. **__Now, go listen to Leonard Cohen's version of the song. It will send shivers up your spine. And if you've never heard him before, what are you doing reading fanfiction! Get over to a music site and find out what you've been missing!_


	12. Bad Habits

She's just standing there, breathing heavily, holding a sword in one hand, hair fluttering over her eyes. Iron Man is just staring at her and the X-Men are all giving little smug looks of 'hah, you underestimated her'. Even **I** was surprised when she got out of the straps they had her in, teleported over to the mantelpiece, snatched up an ornamental sword and a handful of marbles and proceeded to dispatch everyone. Most were concussed by low flying marbles, others met with the hilt of the blade between their eyes. She grins at us.

"One moment…"

The next thing I know, she's taking a great deal of photos of us all hanging there in manacles.

"Just so you aren't tempted to take the responsibility yourselves."

What she does next amazes me. She walks over to Logan and smiles.

"Close your eyes."

He does and suddenly Etana twists his wrist, sending the claws out and tugging it so the chains are cut away.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. What were you doing? Felt like you were pulling my arm out."

"Pulling your arm out. Let's go rescue the others."

She walks over to me and carefully removes a lockpick.

"Why didn't you use that for Logan?"

"No lock in the manacles, solid metal."

She carefully unpicks the lock then heads over to Storm. She looks beautiful, **alive**, when she's in a combat situation. Storm soon joins in the unpicking of locks and Etana grins and throws me a lockpick.

"I better start corrupting you Captain. I'll take this arm, you take the other, I'll explain."

Tony goes slightly pale but relaxes when his left gauntlet falls down and Etana hops over to my side.

"No, no, no! Twist, apply pressure… Like so."

Her hands, gloveless, rest on mine and she guides my hands.

"Feel the change in the lock? That means you're almost there. Now…!"

The manacle falls open and Etana grins.

"We'll have you picking locks like a professional in no time."

And I laugh and hug her then see a little joking glint in her eyes.

"What?"

"You're hopeless, Discus-Boy."

Logan drops a heavy-looking sword he was sizing up for a tiny girl with black hair codenamed Verity.

"Etana?! Discus-Boy?!"

I glance at her then consider. Logan obviously knows Etana loves someone called 'Discus-Boy' as he told me he heard her arguing with me at Jean and Scott's wedding. And I make a decision and lower my head the two inches difference between us and just **look **in her eyes. She inclines her head minutely and I move the few centimetres distance between us so her lips are pressed to mine. It's not a long kiss; chaste and with a great deal of feeling behind it, but when I break it off, everyone is looking at me as if I had just pulled my pants down. I feel my ears go red but Etana, who I **swear** isn't embarrassed by **anything**, just laughs.

"Oh please tell me **somebody **had worked it out!"

Silence. She laughs again then pulls me in for another kiss, this time deeper and probing. She tastes of citrus and olives and sandalwood and iron. Why did she choose me?


	13. Reason

She's sitting cross-legged on the floor, with her boots in her lap and a rag stained green with the polish, weapon placed carefully around the room, the whole place smelling of linseed oil and old leather. Sheets of paper lie around the room with her writing, all in Hebrew, scrawled across it. She glances up.

"Yes, this is my six month inventory."

"What?"

"Every six months I check all my equipment, give it the once-over, clean it, mend it, replace it if need be and write down where I store it. It makes life so much easier. I do one on my instruments, tuning them and all that, every three months. It helps keep everything nice and easy. Pass the big black box."

I do so and she opens it. Nestled in black velvet is a curved bronze sword. She grasps the handle, raises it up and gently moves it through the air.

"Still perfectly balanced. I've never used this, no matter how good it is."

"Why not?"

"It's…like…blood money. I killed an innocent man and was given this. I felt so much guilt I've never been able to use this sword."

"Etana?"

Her eyes are unfocussed, lost in the past.

"He knew. He knew when I stood in front of him why he was going to die. He just **stared** at me. And I just looked at him and I hardened my heart to kill him and he bowed his head and told me to do as I was ordered to and that he didn't hold my act against me, rather against the man who had sent me to kill him. And I beheaded him. As soon as I had…I knew…I knew what I had done… I wandered for days. I couldn't face going back. I'd be lauded as a hero. But I knew I was just a common murderer. It took me three weeks before I could face going back and then he presented me with **this**. He had it forged out of the man's armour. This sword is made with the armour of the first and only man I murdered for no real reason. I keep this, if only to remind myself of what I am. A liar, cheat and killer."

"Etana…"

She shakes her head as if she hadn't realised I was there.

"Oh…"

"Tana… You aren't all those things. You don't lie, or cheat, and yes, maybe you do kill, but you've **changed**. You wouldn't kill someone like that now."

She closes her eyes.

"Why me?"

"What?"

"Steve, you're everything I wish I could be. Honest, brave, truthful, merciful, kind. You could have any woman you wanted. So why me?"

I stare at her. Is she **honestly** asking me this?

"Because… You… Because…"

"See. You don't even know yourself."

"Then why did you choose me?"

"Because you're the sort of person it's so easy to fall in love with. You have to see this from my point of view. A young man with so much responsibility, so brave and fearless, selfless and noble. Right in the middle of one of the worst wars I have ever seen but so optimistic of the future, when I was so close to giving up and believing my people were about to be exterminated. And you **cared**. You cared and that gave me the strength to carry on. You stopped my story from ending 'she gave up and committed suicide by blowing up her whole village after realising there was no way for them to survive.' How **couldn't** I fall for you?"

"Don't I have any bad points?"

I'm half joking. But I think she's taking me seriously.

"Why yes. You're dreadfully naïve. You like to think that humanity is nice and the world would be all flowers and sunshine if everyone just got along. Unfortunately for you, that just makes me even crazier about you. It's nice to have someone who sees the glass half-full all the time."

"Thanks."

"And me?"

I smile softly.

"I was slightly afraid of you to begin with to be honest. And then I saw you with Max, a child who wasn't related to you in any way but you treated him like a son. You gave your food to him, don't lie, I saw you feeding him your rations. And… I think I may have fell for you when I saw you sitting beside him when he was in bed with that cold. You just placed your hand on his head and sang something to him so softly and I could see you cared so dearly for him. And he just caught your hand and fell asleep and you could have just got up but you stayed there beside him, humming that song. And I saw that for all you were a warrior, when Max was concerned, you were a mother first, not a fighter."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Seeing what I was blind to."


	14. Greatest Gift

She is straining to see beyond the blindfold.

"Come on Steve! This is stupid! Where are we going?"

"To see a friend of mine. Trust me Tana."

The car pulls up and the image inducer flickers on, making her appear blind, carrying the stick.

"If this is some terrible joke Steve, I **swear** I will kill you."

"It's not a joke."

I help her out of the car and walk her along the path until the trees hide us from the road. She changes the appearance on the inducer, so she no longer appears blind, although the white strip remains over her eyes. I untie it and she blinks.

"Steve?"

"Come in."

I take her into the cool reception.

"We're here to see Dr Grant."

We're waved through and Michael looks up.

"Hi Steve. What were you calling about?"

"Etana, this is Mike. He specialises in avian medicine, especially resetting broken wings."

Her eyes widen and then she hugs me, crushing my ribs.

"Dammit Steve…"

Mike just stares at me.

"Can you explain?"

"Turn it off 'Tana."

She does and Mike doesn't display any of the usual shocked symptoms of first-time introducees of Etana. Instead he's staring at her wings.

"What the hell happened to those?"

She draws them close to her.

"Beaten while I was shielding a child. I thought they were in place and had the healing process speeded up by a sorceress. Unfortunately, the bones didn't go back to their original position."

Mike reaches out and her hand suddenly grabs his wrist.

"No."

"I'll need to be able to feel how bad the damage is. How old are the injuries?"

"Twenty-three years…six months and…eighteen days."

Mike goes pale.

"Why the **hell** didn't you go to a doctor?"

"I have…enemies. I manage."

"Like hell you aren't. The bones have healed in a terrible position. I'm going to have to rebreak them and set them properly. Now, can I?"

She releases his wrist and gently extends a wing slightly. Her full wingspan is nearly five metres and when she extends both, she can dominate a room entirely. Mike reaches out then stops.

"How do you want me to treat this? Impersonally, like they were a bird's wing or more as a doctor would treat an arm or leg?"

Etana shakes her head.

"I value my wings over my other limbs. To my people, the wings are our most private body part. Touching wings is… equivalent of…er… Well, between two adults, wing to wing contact is the start of…almost a mating ritual. Touching your partner's wings is actually considered more intimate than touching the body."

Well I didn't know that… And I go back to when she thought she was going to die of the Legacy Virus and she came to see me. And I held her close and her wings brushed my back, so softly I almost didn't feel it. And one of her hands just gently moved my hand into the base of her wings, where the feathers are soft and downy, where fur meets feathers and I just buried my fingers there. So what does that make me? We're not lovers, not in the sleeping together sense. Was she telling me something then, in a language I didn't understand? Mike's voice snaps me back to reality.

"So, respectful, but not in a way that could be construed as affectionate?"

"If you could."

"If you would come through to the office then Ma'am. I'll see if I can do anything for your wings."


	15. Whispers on the Wind

Warren lands and groans.

"I thought **I** was the best at flying but look at **her**."

Etana is wheeling in the sky, a black dot in the blue sky. As I watch, the wings fold up and she plummets, spinning and then they open so she skims over the top of the lake. A single beat and she zooms up fast into the sky. I hear a laugh snatched by the wind. She's climbing, higher and higher and I can sense her joy. On the ground she's graceful but in the sky, she's elegant, agile, lithe, supple, flowing, willowy and just…beautiful. She's a creature of the sky, like those birds that only touch the ground to breed. Compared to when she's in the air, she's clumsy and awkward on the ground. And if she's clumsy, then we're all ungainly, inept, blundering and lumbering. Then suddenly she dives, heading straight for me and she catches me under the arms and climbs then shifts how she holds me. And we're back in the War, flying together in the twilight, joyful and free of all the responsibilities that weighed us down. She's climbing again then stops, hovering like an eagle.

"This is where the air starts to get noticeably thinner. I can fly higher but this was the highest I could go with my wings broken."

Eighty-three microfractures were required to reset her wings to Mike's exacting standards. She refused a general anaesthetic, taking only a local and I'm pretty sure it had worn off halfway through. Mike did as she asked. He handled her wings with a great deal of respect and yet the whole time, you could tell he was the doctor and she was the patient. I stayed at her request. Mike seemed amazed she hadn't gotten gangrene in her wings and Etana had went quite defensive, stating that she may have not gotten them set, but she had the injuries clean and bound. He told me later that parts of her bones had been completely shattered and he was amazed they'd healed up at all. She's been going around with casts on her wings for a month. This is her first flying session after the operation.

She grins at me.

"Hold on tight Discus-Boy."

Her wings fold up around her and we fall, spinning around, faster and faster. Then the black canopy opens and our acceleration slows. She glides in a large arc and grins.

"Thermals are superb for hovering. I used to have so much trouble learning how to hover. I fixed that by flying with an eagle."

I glance down and suddenly realise quite how high up we are.

"Er… 'Tana…?"

"Do you want to go down Steve?"

I nod slightly. The wind is cold and strong up here and the X-Men are all dots on the ground. The descent is slow and graceful, and my feet brush the grass before she sets me down gently and wheels up to land herself beside me. Pulling her close, I breathe in her ear.

"Can we go somewhere private?"

She nods slightly and then we're standing on top of a mountain. I bite my lips. Etana's so…well, **Etana** that I don't know how she'll react to this. She'll either be extremely offended and will disappear, leaving me on top of this cliff; angry and refuse to talk about it ever again or just smile slightly and say 'What took you so long?'

I close my eyes, trying to remember exactly what Anna told me. Slowly, falteringly, I start to speak in Hebrew.

"Etana Bat Aleka?"

She responds in the same language

"Yes?"

"I…I love you and I would really, really quite like it if you would…er…"

One silver eyebrow is raised ever so slightly. Other than that, her face is blank. I gulp, then drop down on one knee, hoping against hope I'll pronounce the next sentence right.

"Will you marry me?"


	16. Glorious Foolishness

Her face is completely rock-like. Then she blinks.

"What took you so blinking long? Of course you **idiot**. And stand up. I hate it when people kneel in front of me. Makes it look like they're begging for mercy."

I start to stand up but she grabs my shirt front, pulls me up and kisses me.

"You're an idiot Steve. A real, beautiful, perfect idiot."

She has to do that, see? Add an insult to every compliment. I think she did quite well this time. Three compliments to only one insult. The thing is, I know she never means the insults. It's just her way of showing she loves me as I am, flaws and all. And any second now…

"And I wouldn't have you any other way."

…She'll say that. Her eyes are odd, halfway between crying and laughing.

"Are you okay?"

"Ten. I once got told my special number was ten."

"What's so special about ten?"

"That was my tenth proposal."

"Really? Who were the others?"

She half opens her mouth then shrugs.

"No one of consequence."

And that's all I can get out of her. She offers me her hand.

"We should go back."

And as suddenly as we left, we're back. Etana smiles slightly then turns and walks off. Jean frowns then suddenly grins, walks over and touches my hand.

"Congratulations."

Tora tilts her head and I know she's worked it out from the smile on her face and the fact she saunters off after Etana, looking all the world like she's innocently going back to check on Jamie when I know she's actually probably going to give Etana a hug, a slightly overenthusiastic hug but with a lot of feeling. She probably won't even say anything, just **know **from Etana's face. That woman is far too perceptive. I don't think Logan quite appreciates how perceptive she actually is.

"I…I just think I want to go in to see her."

Logan catches my arm and just stares at me.

"What did she say?"

"Yes."

He smiles slightly and I know everything from his side is fine. Heading in, I walk upstairs and just stand in the door watching Tora and Etana laughing, hands intertwined as they dance in a circle.

"You're a fool 'Tana!"

"I know! Isn't it just **glorious** Tora?"


	17. Shaking Out the Sheets

Her feet move so fast to the sound of the fiddles and pipes, it's vaguely confusing. Don't ask me how I ended up in a mutant pub in Glasgow on the night they were having a dance. Etana just decided I should see her other lives. And it's quite obvious she's a regular and a favourite here. She stepped in the door, sat down at the end of the bar and a glass of fruit juice was place in front of her instantly. Now she's dancing with someone with huge deer antlers, wheeling around, spinning under his arm, waltzing a few steps, drawing away. The music stops and she comes up and sits beside me.

"Nothing beats a good old fashioned ceilidh." She draws out the word, pronouncing it 'kaay-leee'. Her eyes spark with joy.

"Dashing White Sergeant next. Come on. We'll have to induct you in at **some** point and this one is pretty simple, especially if I take centre."

She reaches out and touched the antlered man's arm.

"Sorry to bother you Callum. Would you object to dancing with me and Steve for the White Sergeant? He's a complete novice."

He nods and says something I can't understand but Etana nods.

"Fine. I'll just explain it to him."

I lower my voice.

"Was he speaking **English**?"

"Yes. Be careful though. The BBC once had to put subtitles on a program about inner city Glasgow. Just… don't mention it."

I nod.

"So…why do you come here?"

"I can…be myself and I helped give Fraser's grandfather the funds to set up. Nice atmosphere and they do brilliant orange juice. Oh, and I fund the ceilidhs and traditional music nights. I need **somewhere** that accepts me."

Another quirk of Etana. She never drinks although Hercules says otherwise. He actually said she drank him under the table once, although I don't believe that for one second. Herc can outdrink frost giants.

"Right. In the Dashing White Sergeant, we dance in groups of six, in smaller groups of three. I'll take the centre and you and Callum will stand on either side of me. We'll face another group of three. Hold hands in a circle. Go anticlockwise for a count of eight, back for eight, then I'll turn and face the partner on my right, set to you for a count of four, turn for four then change to the other side and repeat. I turn the person on the right, on the left, on the right, on the left then we join hands in a three, walk towards the other set of three, walk back, walk forwards and go under the arms of the other set. And we do it again with the next set that we meet."

"What…?"

"You'll pick it up."

I don't. I end up getting hopelessly lost, dancing at the wrong moments, turning the wrong way. Etana thinks it's hilarious. But she doesn't make me dance again. And then someone turns to her and shouts something about a song and Etana just smiles and shakes her head. I have a feeling this is a tradition during ceilidhs.

"Gie us a song! Comon! Etana!"

She just laughs and protests as they drag her up to the stage. I can tell she actually likes it here. Maybe because they accept her as what she is, which isn't exactly hard as I've seen someone with grey skin and huge dog-like brown eyes who everyone seems to call Selk. She speaks to the fiddler who nods and she stands up, sighing.

"You lot just like watching me get all embarrassed. Don't you?"

A loud cheer follows that and Etana launches straight in. To begin with, it sounds like a happy song and then you realise what she's singing about.

"_Dance, dance the shaking of the sheets_

_Dance, dance when you hear the piper_

_Playing, everyone must dance_

_The Shaking of the Sheets with me_"

The music chimes in as the band realises what song she's singing. A dance that everyone must take part in? Sounds…interesting.

"_Bring away the beggar, bring away the king_

_And every man in his degree,_

_Bring away the oldest and the youngest thing_

_Come to death and follow me_

_Bring away the merchant who made his money in France_

_And the crafty banker too,_

_When you hear the piper you and I must dance_

_The dance that everyone must do._"

She's singing about death. Isn't that a little…morbid?

"_Dance, dance the shaking of the sheets_

_Dance, dance when you hear the piper_

_Playing, everyone must dance_

_The Shaking of the Sheets with me_"

Well…it's certainly…far too cheerful for the subject matter…

"_I'll find you in the courtrooms, I'll find you in the schools_

_When you hear the piper play,_

_I'll take away the wise men, I'll take away the fools_

_And bring their bodies all to clay._

_All the politicians of high and low degree,_

_Lords and ladies great and small,_

_Don't think that you'll escape and need not dance with me,_

_I'll make you come when I do call._"

Well, I suppose it's true. Everyone dies in the end. Even Thor and Herc could die.

"_Dance, dance the shaking of the sheets_

_Dance, dance when you hear the piper_

_Playing, everyone must dance_

_The Shaking of the Sheets with me_"

The place is silent, aside from Etana's voice and the music, which only seems to play in the chorus and the sections where Etana isn't singing.

"_It may be in the day, it may be in the night,_

_Prepare yourselves to dance and pray_

_That when the piper plays "The Shaking of the Sheets"_

_You may to Heaven dance the way._"

She takes a few steps, obviously trying not to dance, which would probably be wildly inappropriate seeing as she's singing about dancing with Death.

"_Dance, dance the shaking of the sheets_

_Dance, dance when you hear the piper_

_Playing, everyone must dance_

_The Shaking of the Sheets with me_

_Dance, dance the shaking of the sheets_

_Dance, dance when you hear the piper_

_Playing, everyone must dance_

_The Shaking of the Sheets with me._"

She finishes and bows. People swamp her and the bartender/landlord sidles up to me.

"Yer her fella, arnae ye?"

"Er… yes?"

"I've known Aunt Tani since I were a kid and she's a right sensitive wumman. She comes here once a week or roundabout and she huz three states. Her friendly, calm style; her bealin' moods when she jist sits there and gets drink aftr drink and willnae talk tae anyain. An' when she's fair happy and pays all night. Yer responsible fer most o' the last twa. Fash wi' her an' a lot o' the regulars will be out tae gi' ye a doin'. They're right protective of her fer a Teuchter. Friendly warning like."

Am I getting this right? Am I actually getting the protective father talk from a kid born forty years after me, about a woman who was old when Christ was born? I am. Etana's extended 'family' is **very slightly** weird


	18. Procrastination

The room is full of people, half of whom I don't know and have a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't want to. I made the mistake of asking someone what they did and the answer was 'destroy evidence for Etana'. I know Etana does some…questionable stuff but really, inviting 'colleagues' along to a **wedding**? Isn't that a little…well, silly? A man with white hair steps up to Etana and bows icily. She returns the gesture and I suddenly feel a lot colder.

"Isaac."

"Shadow."

"I am glad you could come."

"The entire Brotherhood came to see the marriage of the Shadow, our oldest member."

"Is it really wise for Howard to be here?"

"He is hidden."

"Good."

"Your gift from the Brotherhood."

A heavy bag that clinks a little too much.

"My thanks, Isaac."

They bow again and Etana's face twists into a hint of disdain, which changes to a look of joy when a man with longish blond hair and a beard steps up.

"Oh brilliant, Leo! I didn't think you could come."

He speaks with a soft Italian accent, "I would not miss this for the world, Etana. How much is it I owe you?"

He brings her hand up to his lips but I can tell it's a courteous gesture only, like Etana's bow from before.

"Nothing, Leo. I think the bet fell through quite a while ago."

He turns to me.

"So you are the man the Shadow fell in love with. Others have tried and failed most miserably. Would you object to me taking her for a dance?"

Etana is busy talking to someone else, and the earnest look in his eyes persuades me to nod. What happens next is curious. He says something in Italian and she responds. The dance that follows is stately and yet also free. Herc steps up beside me.

"What are they dancing?"

"'Tis a dance from the courts of the Borgias."

My history isn't very good but I know the Borigas were Renaissance Italy. Etana constantly surprises me. She dances over and pulls me out onto the balcony.

"Would you mind terribly if we skipped the rest of the reception. Only Tony's speech **was** rather embarrassing, especially the bit about me having a habit of kneeing opponents in battle. I think everyone is laughing at me."

I nod. Choosing Tony as best man, in the presence of alcohol wasn't perhaps my smartest move. He waxed lyrical about me being unable to use the Internet, coming out with Forties slang and being soundly trounced by Etana. But he's my best friend, so I let it past.

"You still haven't said where we're going."

"Well, there's the Eyrie, there's Aingeal, there's Venice, there's New York, although I don't think that would be a good idea, there's Japan, although I have sort of told Logan and Tora it's theirs now and there's Edinburgh. I haven't been to Rose Street for years… And the safe-houses, but I'm not taking you there."

"You decide."

A slight smirk, a grasp of my hand and we're in the atrium of a spacious building.

"Palazzo Angelo."

A man steps out, gasps then leaps forward and shoots off a very fast string of Italian, to which Etana responds in the same language. He gapes then scuttles off, looking a mixture of embarrassed and gleeful.

"What was that about?"

"I told him to have the week off and he'd still get paid."

"Is this… all yours?"

"I love Venice."

She takes me on a guided tour, round the house, showing me lots of stuff. She laughs when I question the gramophone, radio, cassette player and CD player all in one room.

"I'm a **terrible** hoarder Steve. Never throw anything away."

In the end, she stops in a corridor, standing quite still.

"I'm procrastinating, aren't I?"

"It's fine."

I actually think I'm more afraid than she is. But she suddenly turns towards me.

"I love you. More than I ever thought I could love anyone."

Her lips press to mine, warm and yielding, tongue exploring my mouth. The tips of her inky wings brush my sides and legs as she pressed me against the wall, light and teasing, far more intimate than feathers brushing through cloth should be. Her words to Hank after she agreed to talk about Cheyarafim practices come rushing back.

_"The sexual act starts with the caressing of the partner with wings."_

My hands are on her waist and head but she slowly guides one to the base of the wing. I bury my hand in downy feathers and press lightly. I knew her wings were sensitive but I didn't expect the response I get.

She moans into my mouth and we teleport, an instinctive reaction on her part. Although how she was able to land so perfectly in the bedroom, I'll never know…

* * *

_**A.N.**__ Is anyone even reading this? Because if not, I'll just take the story down. Which is a pity as I've already got into the 60s chapterwise (55 is a heartbreaker). So can people at least show me somehow that they're reading this. You don't even have to review, just a small PM would do._


	19. Stripped

Both Logan and Hank assured me there would be some point in the middle of the night when you wake up and think "What the…" Logan apparently thought "What the hell am I doing with a woman a century younger than me who's already been hurt once too often". Hank's was "What the hell am **I** doing **married**?" My moment comes at 3:12am, when I wake up to find myself panicking.

What if in the morning, 'Tana changes her mind? What if she's been mind-controlled into this? What if she regrets it? What I took can't be given back, not matter how hard I try. I don't care what people say about surgery, once it's gone, it's gone. That's how I was raised and how she was raised. What if there was something wrong with the paperwork and we aren't actually married? What if she changes her mind? Etc, etc.

I only stop when she shifts slightly and a soft black blanket drapes across me, delicate feathers tickling me.

When I wake up in the morning, she's lying to one side, wings furled tightly round her. I reach out and touch her back and suddenly there's a knee in my gut and a knife to my throat as Etana pins me down. Her silver eyes widen.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

The knife goes flying over her shoulder and hits the door with a slight thunk.

"I'm so, **so** sorry Steve."

"No, I should have known you were edgy."

She backs off, kneeling at the end of the bed looking slightly lost and confused, hands covering herself. And I can see a younger her, one who doesn't have blood on her hands and hasn't lived so long that she classes Death as an old friend. A woman barely out of girlhood, shy and afraid. I never really…never imagined that this Etana **ever** existed. She blinks and suddenly she's stoic, sensible, practical Etana, to whom death is just another risk.

"I'm sorry Steve. I've…well, I've woken up in bad situations before…"

"Tell me."

"There was that time I was just so **tired**. I'd been in the middle of a war, leading into battle and I'd just collapsed down on the pallet in my tent. And I woke up with a man standing over me, about to… Suffice to say, the leaders were happy I didn't kill him. We needed every able-bodied man, even if he **was** limping a lot."

"You actually let him go…"

"He was executed as soon as the war was over. Men like that…they make good soldiers but they are monsters in peacetime."

I stare at her and she sighs.

"Can you stop staring, or at least close your mouth. At the time, I had a lot of problems for being a woman. It's not **easy** you know? Being a warrior and a woman, who leads men into battle, then has to beat the same men off with a tent-pole after the battle. And yes, I have done that before. I am an angel, so I was higher than men but I was also a woman, ultimately, irredeemably below man. It's a curse I have lived with my whole life."


	20. Terrible Beauty

She is standing there, all pure and sharp and dangerous, like a diamond knife. I…well, I knew what she did, I knew she killed. But I didn't expect to be released by Tora and to leave the room they were keeping me and Logan in and to find her sitting in the middle of a room of murdered men, calmly cleaning her blade. She looks up, eyes dark with anger.

"I told you not to leave! I have enemies who make the Skull look like a fluffy guinea pig! And this lot weren't even that bad."

I just stare and Logan nods.

"The female of the species is more deadly than the male."

Etana rolls her eyes in a way that makes me feel that Kipling may have based that poem on her.

"No, I just wasn't going to sit around and wait for your idiot teammates to weigh up all the options. I decided to do what I've always done. Worked out a basic plan and then added to it as occasion demands. It's held me in good stead for as long as I've lived. So why do all your stupid friends need a five-point plan?"

She stands up, glances along the blade and gently tilts it so it catches the light then swings it up, over her shoulder and fits it into the sheath crossed across her back. She glares at Logan.

"And **you**. You should know better than to go charging off after Steve when he was kidnapped. As I guessed, they wanted both of you and you fell right into their trap. I think we're going to have to go through those lessons again."

Logan goes pale but I'm finally mad.

"Etana, we're standing in a room full of bodies and you're lecturing Logan on being stupid."

She glares at me then throws a sheaf of papers over to me. I start to read but in the end only words leap out at me. _Children. Sacrificial. 100000. Demonatia. Portal. Hell. Earth. Torn Asunder. _Her eyes are fixed on me.

"That is their plan. Are you saying I did wrong?"

I can't speak. What these people were planning… It was horrific. Etana looks at me.

"This is actually quite normal for me. I leave the easy jobs, the not too serious ones to you and your amateur team. But things like this, I go at alone."

I look at her again in a new light. Once again, she's surprised me. She has deliberately kept things like this under wraps to protect the Avengers and all the others. The amateur remark slips past because, well, she's Etana and being rude is part of what she is. She has gone against evil, twisted monsters and not told anyone. And if they caught her, she would be killed and her body never found. She would just disappear. And five, ten years ago, no one would have noticed. Her 'colleagues' would just assume she'd moved on and at that time she didn't have friends. She would have died alone and afraid and desperate. And she continued to fight for people who hated her because that's what she is. At times like this, when I see her tall and defiant, knowing what she is but also knowing what she's stopping, she is truly beautiful.

But truly terrible in that beauty.


	21. Premonitions and Memories

I roll over and reach for the familiar and ever-comforting 'Tana. She's not there and I sit bolt upright.

"Tana?"

No answer. She always answers if I call her in the night, even if it's just "In the loo". I turn the light on. She's not in our room. I get up and check the bathroom. Not there either. Down the hall. Office? No, not there either.

I find her standing by the panoramic window in the lounge, arms folded defensively around her chest. I approach carefully, because with Etana, you can never be entirely sure.

"Tana?"

She turns and I see a flash of fear in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just… Just a nightmare."

A nightmare? Scaring my Shadow? I wrap my arms around her and pressed her head to my chest.

"What happened?"

She shrugs.

"Doesn't matter."

"Really? You can tell me. You know that."

She seems unwilling. I tilt her head back.

"Tana, tell me."

She pulls away and presses the side of her face to the window, staring out over the city lights.

"I'm walking through the Jerusalem of my childhood. And I come to a building I do not know. And blood runs down the white marble steps. I walk up the steps but I know something is wrong. My feet are red with blood. I look down and my hands are covered as well and then the blood spreads until it covers all of me. And I reach the top of the steps and see the source of the blood. And… Steve, it's… it's **you**. And then I wake up."

Something about that sentence strikes me.

"Wake up, not woke up. You've had this dream before, haven't you?"

She shudders then nods.

"Every single night."

I feel a tight fist settle in my chest. There are mutant precogs. What if Tana is one of them? What if I am going to die? I push my fears aside and hold her close to me.

"You aren't getting rid of me that easily Tana."

She smiles weakly.

"I know."

"Will you come back to bed now?"

She gives me **that** look.

"To bed or to bed?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Well, it depends. The answer to one is yes."

"And the other?"

She doesn't answer with words, just a warm kiss. I go red.

"Oh… **That** to bed…"

Her eyes sparkle.

"So, former or latter?"


	22. Brain Melter

I close my eyes, standing in the tiny alleyway. Herc told me I'd find her here. I swing the plain black door open and step into the Angel's Rest. Etana is up by the bar, a huge sea of glasses in front of her. I watch as she throws back a drink then gestures and another glass is set down in front of her. She throws that back and I realise that she's drinking what looks like vodka.

I step up behind her and she sighs.

"I hate being immune to poisons. Another, Fraser."

Another drink is poured out and she tips it back.

"I'm trying to forget but I can't get drunk. I keep seeing all the bodies…"

She signals again and knocks back another glass.

"I just want to get **drunk**. Is that really so impossible?"

I sit down next to her but wave away the glass that is slid my way.

"Look, you couldn't do anything about Stamford. It was a group of kids who didn't know what they were doing."

"Like the Avengers. You're all children to me. Haven't lived. You're like mayflies, living for a day. And I'm a tortoise, living for eighty, ninety years. You all die so quickly…"

I reach to take the next glass away from her and she catches my wrist.

"From this position I can break your arm in thirteen ways, throw you the length of the pub in twenty-six and kill you in nine ways, two of which involve castration. Right now, I just want to try and make my body realise it should be drunk and keel over with a look of slight and pleasant surprise on my face. Never managed it yet, but I reckon… yeah… Do you still do the Pan Galactics?"

"Tani, we had ta stop serving them."

"Come on Fraser, I know you'll have the recipe somewhere."

He sighs.

"Fine. But if ye get pissed, yer man's paying."

She sighs, slips out her purse and hands it to me, then manages to throw back another vodka.

"I see why Herc said you beat him at drinking."

"He gets drunk. I don't. I just **try**."

Fraser hands over a delicate glass and winces. Etana shrugs and sighs.

"Here goes."

She drinks, smiles slightly and nods, indicating she would like another. Then she topples straight over, no buckling at the knees, just vertical to horizontal in one sweeping motion, landing flat on her back and there is silence. Then suddenly the other patrons start clapping slowly.

"What?"

"Normally their brains melt."

"Oh…"


	23. Never You

She groans as she wakes up. I just stand there glaring at her.

"Three days! You were out three bloody days, just because you drank something that could have killed you!"

She moans and presses a hand to her head.

"First hangover ever. Remind me never to drink a Pan Galactic again, unless we're all going to die before the hangover kicks in."

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO A WORD I SAY!?"  
She moans again and pulls the pillow over her face.

"Be quiet. Head hurts. Turn the light out when you leave. And the heating off. It's too noisy."

I deliberately slam the door on her, then put Glen Miller on at the top volume. I feel a flash of shame but I've been staying up for three days, stopping her from choking on her own vomit. She tossed and turned and I thought for a while she would die. And she brushed me off like that. Five days later, I regret what I did.

I'm on the run, a fugitive. I pretty much left my wife alone, angry with what she did to try and forget. I… I forgot what she had seen. When I got back after my really rather shameful walk away, I found her gone and a note saying that she was sorry but clearing bodies reminded her far too much of the Holocaust. I think she went back to the Xavier Institute and that's why I'm here. I creep forward.

"Ahem."

I whip round. Etana is leaning against a tree, eyebrow raised.

"If it isn't the fugitive, come to beg something."

"How's your head?"

"Better. I don't normally drink. Only when… well, when something bad happens."

"Like Stamford?"

"Yes. Like Stamford."

"Will… will you come with me?"

She half-opens her mouth then closes it. Looks away. And I fear.

"Tana…"

"I can't Steve. I'm an X-Man. You know that. The X-Men… well, we don't want to get involved. It's political, more so for us that anyone else. We're the ones who can't change what we are and there are so few of us. Then there's SHIELD. I'm on the payroll, even if it's under the heading 'Consultant'. And then there's you. And Steve… I can't make that choice. If I go with you, the X-Men will be accused of sympathising. And… I'm not ready to tell people. About us. There are too many people out there who would use you against me. And… If I take a side, I… well, not to sound too full of myself, I would instantly create the winner. Asgard, the Otherworld, pretty much every sorcerer and sorcereress and a great deal of other people owe me favours. And this isn't black and white, right and wrong Steve. This is all about perspective."

"Etana. Are you…?"

"No. Look, I… I'm like Stephan. I'm a symbol, a figurehead. Someone who appears more than human, despite that being all I really am. So I can't take a side. The Atlantians will follow whoever I point them to, because I'm the Kingmaker. The Otherworld owes me a great debt. Asgard… well, I've always been close to Sif. And as for Olympus, you already know about my history there. I take a side, all my debtors and friends and people I fought alongside and against will flock to my side. I'm a point in the centre of confusion Steve. I hate it, but I'm there."

"So that's a no."

"Not to you Steve. Never to you…"


	24. Terminal Relations

_Etana is standing in front of the class, holding a textbook up._

_"I am __**supposed**__ to teach you about the Roman Empire from __**this**__. Well, let me tell you, this book has a great deal wrong and we are going to correct that. So, to begin with… the assassination of Julius Caesar. "Et tu Brutus"? I mean __**really**__. Right, new page. Title; "Assassination of Caesar and Civil War". And-"_

_Three men walk straight into the classroom. Etana turns to them._

_"Hello? Can I help you?"_

_"You are Etana Bat Aleka, also called Etana Rogers?"_

_"Yes. Can I help you?"_

_"You will come with us."_

_"Of course. Can you come back after this lesson? The textbooks are rubbish and I haven't had time to type up the notes yet."_

_"__**Now**__, Mrs Rogers."_

_She barely turns towards them and suddenly they ram her head down onto the desk. The wings sweep open but two of the men leap onto the wings as the leader clamps a mutant inhibitor collar onto her neck. She struggles again and one of her students leaps up._

_"MR KELLER, IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP, I WILL HAVE YOU IN DETENTION FOR A MONTH!"_

_Then her wings are slammed onto her back and manhandled so they're flat. Anger wells up inside me. I know how sensitive those limbs are, how they are her most precious appendages and how easy they are to damage. I know how delicate the feathers are, know that handling them roughly messes with her flying ability. And these men are slamming their hands into the vanes, damaging long flight feathers and sending the gleaming inky wings into disarray. And I know how __**private**__ her wings are. How she hates people touching them, how she only lets __**me**__ touch them at certain points because they're so precious to her. And to see them being manhandled into a harness to prevent her flying away is terrible. Finally the wings are bundled up into the tight harness and the straps are tightened. The camera zooms in and I see the pain on her face, the way she grits her teeth. Then another student walks up._

_"Sir, Miss Rogers wasn't doing anything wrong. She'd have gone with you without all this."_

_Suddenly the boy has his arms pulled behind his back._

_"What you don't know Mister, is your 'Miss Rogers' is an incredibly dangerous woman. We've been keeping tabs on her for years. Dr Mengeles? Heard of him? Last thing he ever saw was this woman."_

_Her arms are pulled behind her back and handcuffs are snapped on. They ratchet and the man pulls them a notch tighter, so they cut into her wrists. Etana is dragged upright. Her eyes are defiant._

_"You know, I would have come quietly. Class, read quietly until Mr Summers turns up. The chapter on the Siege of the Temple of Jerusalem is pretty accurate. When I get back, I'll tell you about fighting to protect the treasures."_

_Then Tora is standing in the door, her eyes flashing silver._

_"Etana?"_

_"Hello Tora. Can you cover this class for me? I recall you have a free period."_

_"Let. Her. Go."_

_"I'm sorry Ma'am. Mrs Rogers has an influence over a number of high-ranking SHIELD officers and is the wife of a known fugitive. We have to take her in for questioning."_

_"Sir, if I recall correctly, Etana Bat Aleka is exempt for SHIELD protocol on the grounds that she is your Rogue Agent. The one who does the jobs no one else can do. Or wants to do for that matter. She does the unofficial jobs that you all know need doing. As a result, SHIELD does not have any jurisdiction over her."_

_"But she's not Etana Bat Aleka anymore, is she? She's Etana Rogers and there's nothing in the paperwork about that."_

_"Tora, seriously, it's no big deal."_

_"Etana, you're the one who always warns us of them 'disappearing' us."_

_"It's not disappearing. Dum-Dum will keep you informed."_

_And as the men move to grab her arms, she steps forward and neatly walks through the door, suggesting that handcuffs and wing-straps are actually quite a common occurrence for her._

I turn from the screen to Logan.

"When was this?"

"Yesterday. Dugan got in touch, said she was fine, but they're keeping her in custody until you're captured and they have definite proof she wasn't feeding you hints. She has a unique position in the SHIELD hierarchy that means a lot of the senior officers know and respect her. She won't come to any harm from mutie-haters."

"This is personal now."

"We also think they might use the fact she was arrested to stir up trouble for us. X-Man taken in for questioning about Captain America's whereabouts. It makes it look like we're backing the anti-reg forces and that's annoying Cyke 'cause we agreed to stay neutral. It's a threat. Either we join them or they make it look like we're discreetly helping you."

"You are."

"Yeah, but everyone knows I'm the X-Men's loose cannon, and I'm an Avenger. It's the Avenger part that's here today."

I look at the final still, Etana stepping into a car, a hand on her head to push her in.

"Will they let her go?"

"Probably not. They know she will probably stand by you after this. Heart over head and all that stuff. And they can't afford to have Etana with you. She's one of the best teleporters, fighters and has connections to Asgard, Olympus and the Otherworld. If she wanted, she could bring down the whole SHRA without so much as blinking. But what they haven't realised is, if she had wanted that, it would have already happened."

I look at her face again, the proud, stubborn face that I haven't seen for over a month. There isn't much time for marital visits when you're on the run.

* * *

_**A.N. **To the reviewer who asked about the healing factor. Whilst Etana has a mildly accelerated healing rate (just like Angel) the reason she can't get drunk is because (as first stated in Chapter 6) she is immune to poisons, of which alcohol is strictly speaking one. Hence the reason she has to recover from injuries -except maybe taking two weeks to heal from something that would take a normal person three- but can't get drunk._


	25. Gifted

She just stares at me, hand resting on the glass.

"Hey."

"Hi 'Tana."

"Look, I'm… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"No. If you'd been there, there would have been more damage, more hurt. You're too good at what you do."

She laughs and smiles sadly.

"Oh Steve. What **have** you gotten yourself into?"

"I don't know Tan. I don't know…"

We stand on opposite sides of the glass, hands resting together.

"Tony. Can you let me in?"

"You were never here, understand?"

Tony's voice rings out and the glass slides away. Etana steps forward and pulls me into a hug.

"I've missed you so much…"

"I missed you too."

"What, even with all those pretty young ladies fawning over you?"

"Ha ha Tan. Very funny. Not. Anyway, what about all the SHIELD agents?"

"I **was** in custody Steve. As in, kept in a room, alone, with only Dum Dum and Commander Hill for company. How utterly boring…"

I have to laugh. She smiles slightly.

"Tora ended up blackmailing them to let her in. I had a nice long chat with her and handed over my Roman empire notes. She's been covering my classes. The poor dear. She teaches Modern Languages, Espionage, Mutant Pride and now World History, does a marvellous job of raising Jamie and Eva, keeps Curt from blowing stuff up, acts as the X-Men's point so has to be in **all** Danger Room sessions and archives reality on the side. And I thought **I** was busy."

"She does all that?"

"Not officially, which is why she gets away with it, but she still **does **it. I suspect she's tweaking time a little. I'm sorry. This should be about us, not them."

"Look… I… I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

"Do you know what the odds are for the trial?"

She sighs and sits down on the fold-down bed.

"Put it this way, if you get an outright acquittal, I'd be a billionaire from a cent."

That bad huh? I stare at her and she goes on.

"There are people calling for capital punishment. Tony says if it comes to that, he wants me in as your wife, to try and persuade the panel otherwise. I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea, but I'll give it a try if needed. Otherwise, I'm not going to be there."

"Why?"

She tilts her head away.

"It will hurt. If you want me there, I will be, but otherwise, I'll avoid it as much as possible. TVs are all off at the mansion."

"No. If you want to stay away, stay away."

She smiles and leans over to hug me, her shirt slipping down to reveal an inhibitor collar.

"Tana! Why are you wearing that…that **thing**! I thought they hurt you!"

"They do. But it was the only way I could get in. Better to hurt than not see you."

I want to kiss her but a part of me knows that Tony is watching and that he's already sticking his neck out for this. He seems to have guessed what I was thinking.

"Oh whoops, the cameras have just all mysteriously turned off… Oh well, these things happen. Be good you two. No taking that collar off and teleporting him out. What else you do, well that's up to you two. Hey, I'm rhyming!"

I stare at Etana. She shrugs.

"Look, what Tony does is all at his own prerogative. I don't have any influence over him."

I smile slightly.

"Remember to thank him for me."

And I lean in to kiss her.


	26. Losing the World

When I wake the next morning, she's gone. I'm more used to it than you'd expect. She rises with the sun in summer. A relic of a farmer's life, something you wouldn't expect her to hold onto. I thought I woke early, getting up for a run at 06:30, get back and have breakfast before most of the Avengers wake up. But most mornings, Etana's already training when I wake up. That or she's already eaten, trained and come back to bed. She doesn't **do** rests. She's a true soldier, one who is always fighting, catching sleep when she needs it, always wary. She likes to joke she's like a swan, who sleep with one eye open. The thing is, I'm not actually that surprised.

I shiver in the air. They told me to wear the colours. To my amusement, there was a little black ribbon tied to the front. **Someone** got past the SHIELD guards. The door opens and I'm led out, into the howling hordes of journalists and photographers. For some reason, I notice every tiny detail, every little change in colour and brightness and intensity.

I start up the steps, noticing every flaw in the white marble. White marble… I shiver, remembering Tana's dream. Maybe that was what she meant. That I'll be sentenced to death. I reach the top of the steps and pause. A voice rings out, loud above the bustle.

"STEVE! STEVE!"

Tana… She's come, despite what she said. She forces her way through the crowd, image inducer hiding her features.

"TANA!"

Then something hits my chest and I stagger backwards. I feel vaguely surprised to see the blood splurting from the bullet wound in my chest. Etana is suddenly beside me, lowering me down, cradling my head in her hands. I can see her face, her **real** face, covered in tears.

"Don't go Steve… Don't leave me again…"

"Sorry Tan… Made a mistake…"

"Hold on. Please hold on. Steve, I have something important to tell you. Please… Stay with me. Please! Someone! A medic! Please!"

I want to touch her face, say goodbye, but my hands are still cuffed behind my back.

"PLEASE! A MEDIC! Please…"

"Sor…ry…"

I feel her hands pressing to the entry wound, applying pressure, trying to halt the bleeding.

"Someone raise his chest! Help me! Please! Steve, stay with me, stay with me!"

I try to speak but it hurts too much.

"Get the cuffs off! I can't apply the full pressure. Don't just **stand** there! Help! Help, you _mysʼanthrʼáṗyq pʼáʼáls_!"

The cuffs are undone and I'm partially aware of being picked up and placed on a stretcher. Etana is clutching my hand, her face blurring in front of my eyes.

"Can **no one** help!? Please… Someone… You have to help me…"

"…Tan…"

She looks wild-eyed and I realise this is one of the first times I've ever seen her lose control.

"You aren't going to die? Understand? I am not letting you die. I'm not…"

"Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you to leave…"

"NO!"

I feel her being wrenched away from me and I'm too weak to protest. Then a sudden gurgle, a few exhaled breaths and then she's standing above me.

"Steve…"

The last thing I see are her eyes, her gorgeous silver eyes, brimming with tears.


	27. Oh (There's No Other Possible Title)

Resurrection is slow and painful. Well, my resurrection was slow and painful and then there was the added humility of being controlled by Skull. But the worst bit, the very worst bit, was when I was back and I asked for Etana. And the looks between the Avengers before finally, slowly, Bucky spoke.

"She disappeared. A month after your… you know…" The word 'assassination' isn't mentioned at all, "Just dropped off the radar. No one knows where she went."

No one? Yeah right. I know **exactly** who to go to.

"You are in big trouble Steve. You've managed to give Tora a killer headache."

"How?"

"Dying, coming back, dying, coming back. Her exact remark involved a yoyo analogy."

"She called me a yoyo?"

"In a polite manner of speaking, yes."

Tora slaps me when I turn up. Then hugs me, so I don't think I'm in too much trouble. But a hand weighted with adamantium hurts, especially when the woman behind it is really, really angry with you.

"You big lug. You stupid, beautiful **idiot**."

"Etana? Where's Etana?"

"Oh… Steve… There's been…complications…"

I stiffen. I know what Logan has told me, no more. How she lost her grip, slipped into a deep sea of grief and wouldn't let anybody help her out. Images of a broken woman, Etana changed beyond recognition, suicide attempts, self-harm, in care. Tora must see the fear in my eyes.

"Best you come and see her. I'm due a visit."

"You know where she is?"

"I'm her only contact with the outside world. Like I said, complications arose."

So I sit through the flight northwards, wondering what the hell these 'complications' are. We touch down and Tora hands me a pile of bags.

"Just go in and stick them on the counter."

"What?"

"She'll be in the kitchen. She always is on delivery day."

I nod and pick up the various bags. Tora leans up against the smooth metal of the plane and jerks her head towards the door.

"Aren't you coming in with me?"

She shakes her head.

"I'm not going to be there. Not unless she attempts to castrate you."

"Will she?"

"Maybe. I don't know. But you're in big trouble, no matter what."

I smile nervously and she doesn't smile back before I step into the kitchen. The whole place looks like it's out of an old medieval story. Huge fire, stone flags, large solid oak table, covered in various books, foods and sheaves of paper. I hover, uncertain, staring at her.

She's standing with her back to me, wearing a rough white dress that looks like it's been her private comfort clothes for a while, leaning over a counter.

"Put the bags on the table Tora. Coffee's almost ready."

I walk in slowly, staring at her the entire time, before carefully putting the assorted containers on the table, over a blackened ring. Someone slammed a hot pan down at some point. Wonder who. Tana's not the kind to make a mistake like that.

"Just a sec. Ready!"

She turns around and the mugs slip from her hands, shattering on the stone flags.

"I'll get it."

I lean over and scoop up the various shards and stand up. Etana is staring at me, her eyes wide and lost. There's something different about her, something in her build that I can't quite place. And a fist flies towards me. It hovers in front of my face and then she breaks down, slumping forward onto my chest, pummelling me as she cries.

"I hate you! I honestly **hate** you! Why do you have to be alive!? Why?! I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!"

"It's okay Tan. It's okay…"

I gently stroke her hair as she cries and hits my chest with her hands.

"You had to leave me, all over again… I hate you!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She snuffles onto my chest.

"Why couldn't you just **stay** dead?"

"I can go if you want."

She suddenly hugs me back.

"You're not leaving. Not now, not ever."

"Er… You know the others will wonder where I've gone."

"Stuff them. Steve… I… I need… Ineedtotellyousomething."

"What?"

"I need to tell you something. Or show you at any rate."

About seven-hundred scenarios rush through my head in under a second. Etana gently takes my hand and pulls me into a long corridor.

"Try and be quiet."

"Why?"

"You'll see."

She reaches an unmarked door and pushes it open. And stands back to allow me entry into a warm, light, spacious room, decorated in pastel colours. I turn to look at her and see something in the corner of the room that stops my heart. Slowly, oh so slowly, I walk forward until I'm right over it.

Curled up, cat-like, under a white blanket, is a baby.


	28. Small Miracles

The child is tiny, olive-skinned, strands of black hair over its head, hands clasping at the wool. Etana moves from the door to stand behind me.

"How… Who… **How**?"

"His name is Steven Logan Rogers. He's three months old."

I've been dead a year. And in three months before that, I hadn't seen Etana once. Wait. I had seen her once. One night. The night before I was shot. The night Tony gave to us. I stare up at her with incredulous eyes.

"He's…"

"Tora worked it out. Told me before it became obvious. Already people were harassing me, wanting DNA samples from your clothes and toiletries because you were the only perfect Super Solider. And if they found out… If they knew… They'd take him off me. They did it elsewhere to another child of yours, after you disappeared. I wasn't letting that happen to me. I wasn't going to give up the only physical proof I ever had that you ever **existed**. It wasn't like Gail, not the way Tora said it! Gail wasn't married, she was only human. So I left. Just vanished in the night, ran away, with Tora covering my tracks. No one knew. No one **could** know."

"But… doctors… how did you…?"

"My mother carried me and gave birth to me with no help whatsoever. I had Tora for the last three weeks and for the actual birth. Women have been giving birth for many years and despite being a warrior, I **have** attended a few."

"But…"

"Steve, just shut up until your thick skull absorbs the fact you're a dad and try not to splutter, it makes you look stupider than you actually are."

"TANA!"

The baby starts crying and Etana glares at me.

"Thank **you** Steve. He's hell to get to sleep. Damn."

She scoops him up and starts to rock him, singing softly.

"_In dem beys hamikdash, in a vinkl kheyder,  
__Zits di almone Bas Tsiyoyn aleyn,  
__Ir ben-yokhidl, Yidelen, vigt zi keseder,  
__Un zingt im tsum shlofn a lidele sheyn_"

She repeats it again and again, rocking the child from side to side. No. Not the child. Our son. Rocking **our son**. You know, I think miracles really do happen.


	29. Insults in Three Syllables

Etana stands quite still in the shadows, shaking her head, clinging… well, we still haven't quite worked out what we're calling him. Steven sounds too big for someone so **small**, Steve just gets confusing and Etana put her foot down on Stevie, saying he wouldn't want to be called that when he was twelve. She's so **stubborn**. I stare at the Avengers.

"I found her."

Weak smiles.

"And I found out that she's been hiding up in Canada. Any one of you could have…"

"No Steve. They wouldn't have found me."

Etana steps forward, Steven Junior (What **else** am I supposed to call him? I didn't get any input into the name!) held close to her chest.

"When I want to be hidden, I am never found. Shadows are my birthright. As is the light, but I appear to have inherited more of the shadows, much to my eternal disappointment, seeing as I am only quarter demon and half angel. In the broadest manner of speaking."

Everyone is staring at the small bundle in her arms that she gently rocks. She smiles, her broad 'Ha, I've just run circles round you all' smile. She holds him out.

"Everyone, met Steve Junior. Well, that's the name he's going by just now. I've mainly been thinking of him as 'the baby' but I think he needs a real name now."

"Steve's a **dad**?"

"Why didn't you **tell** us?"

"Because he only found out three hours ago, enough time for him to process the information and me to sock him on the jaw. Twice."

"How did you… You never **saw** each other for three months!"

"Er…"

War Machine looks embarrassed.

"Well… Actually…Er… Tony arranged for time alone. Like, super-secret time alone…"

And then Carol is cooing over him.

"Isn't he **sweet**! I could eat him all up."

"No Ms Marvel. He's a baby. I think that would class as cannibalism."

Somehow, Etana being slightly contemptuous about compliments to Junior (I **really** need to think of a name for him) doesn't surprise me.

"Look, if anyone makes remarks about Steve's appearance, I will thump them. He's a **baby**. Babies aren't meant to be cooed and coddled and squeezed. They sleep, they cry, they puke, they make a mess and they don't like being held by too many people. You should have seen the way he reacted to his dad."

Fine. Like my ego needs any more humiliation. Junior has only been handled by Etana and Tora and didn't exactly appreciate anyone else holding him. He cried, then tried to fall out of my arms, then cried some more. Etana thought that was funny. I swear, I don't know why she found it funny.

Her sense of humour confounds me at times. Wry, sarcastic, old, too old at times. She uses words like verily when she's half-asleep. One of my favourite pastimes when she's tired is to sit up and listen to what she says. I already have a whole textbook of highly original insults in over three hundred languages. Most are dead languages, so unless we come up against centuries old zombies; which given some of our opponents, isn't too insane an idea; I can only use about a third of them. I quite liked the one that translated, 'I would think up a suitable insult for your mother right now, but there's only so far you can insult a gelatinous mass of slimy, shivering goo.' In three syllables.


	30. Broken Wings

She kicks me as Stevie (yes, I wore her down on the basis that was **my** nickname when I was a kid) starts to cry.

"Go. Now. Steve."

"Going, going, don't get up."

The room is cold. Etana tugs the covers around her and jabs her tail in the direction of the door. The message is clear. Go. Comfort. Stevie. Before. I. Commit. Infanticide.

There are only a few things that scare her and apparently babies are one of them. No, seriously. She is scared of any child under two. A major failing for a mother. She holds Stevie like he's going to explode. As in, arms out, mild look of horror on her face. Apparently the last time she babysat, acting as a nanny for Solomon, she was puked on, kept up at all hours and too afraid to sleep in case of kidnappers. This was about two-thousand, nine-hundred and eighty years ago. I don't think she's recovered yet. Well, I mean she still gives her own child suspicious looks at times. She loves older children and according to Sue Richards, is Franklin and Valeria's favourite babysitter. She says they get better as they get older.

The funniest thing is she says I spoil Stevie and everyone else says we're really strict parents. Etana shrugs it off as generation gaps. She was working around the house aged five, in the fields with a sling aged eight and was considered a woman at twelve. Yet from what I hear, children who earned their keep were given a lot of time and care, with parents, or in her case, guardians, playing with them often. I also think her slight fear of Stevie may be to do with the higher infant mortality rates at the time. She doesn't want to get too close in case he dies.

I change Stevie, go back to sleep and wake up in the morning proper to Etana singing in the shower. There are a few things I really, truly enjoy as way of relaxing. Running and working out are to do with being Cap. Drawing is a way of calming down. Listening to Etana sing in the shower is another. Her choice of music is wide and varied. Yesterday I was treated to opera, the Marriage of Figaro. Last week I had Glenn Miller, Fools Rush In. Today it's something I don't know, something soft and gentle.

"_Baby, don't understand  
Why we can't just hold on to each other's hands?  
This time might be the last I fear  
Unless I make it all too clear  
I need you so, ohh  
Take these broken wings  
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free  
When we hear the voices sing  
The book of love will open up and let us in  
Take these broken wings  
Baby, I think tonight  
We can take what was wrong and make it right  
Baby, it's all I know that you're half of the flesh  
And blood that makes me whole,  
I need you so.  
So take these broken wings  
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free  
When we hear the voices sing  
The book of love will open up and let us in  
Yeah, yeah  
Let us in  
Let us in  
Baby, it's all I know that you're half of the flesh  
And blood that makes me whole  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
So take these broken wings  
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free  
And when we hear the voices sing  
The book of love will open up and let us in  
Take these broken wings  
You got to learn to fly, learn to live and love so free  
When we hear the voices sing  
The book of love will open up for us and let us in  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh_"

The water turns off and Etana hurries out, her long hair dull grey while wet and a white towel standing out against her fur.

"So what was the soundtrack today 'Tana?"

She frowns.

"What?"

"The song in the shower?"

"Oh…" She actually doesn't realise she's singing most of the time. It's genuinely heartwarming. She sings when making sandwiches for the Avengers, when teasing the X-Men, when she cleans her weapons, when she goes for a walk. It cheers everyone up unless she's singing to make people cry. Then the tears flow freely.


	31. Stubborn Philosophy

I freeze. She's sprawled out on the bed, dressed in white and black, coated in blood, hair pulled into a neat and functional plait. I run forward and run my hands over her, trying to find the source of the blood. And then I realise none of it is hers.

"TANA! TANA!"

Her eyes open and she groans.

"Goway."

"Tana, where…where did this blood come from?"

She sits bolt upright and starts cursing in Hebrew.

"Etana?"

She rushes out of the room, already tugging the bloodied clothes off. They look scarily like the X-Men's uniform. Plain, functional, the same cut as her usual X-Man apparel only monochrome instead. Into the bathroom where she starts scrubbing her face with hot water, gasping softly.

"Tana?"

She doesn't answer, merely continues scrubbing until not only is all the blood gone but she has started to bleed herself. I grab her hands.

"ETANA!"

She stares at me, her eyes broken.

"I… I did… I…"

"Etana…"

She turns away.

"You should throw me out. I should have never done this."

"Etana?"

"I… I need to tell you something Steve."

"So tell me."

"Not now… I… I need to sort myself out first."

I step outside and go and sit down, knowing she will want to compose herself. A few minutes later she comes in and sits down opposite me.

"This is going to be difficult Steve and I don't want to drag it out. So I want you to stay silent and save your questions."

I nod. Etana deserves that much.

She gets and brings over a heavy book.

"This is a work of Immanuel Kant, _The Metaphysics of Morals_. A very interesting study on retributivism. Problem is, darling, you're the textbook deontologist. You never think that the ends justify the means. Tony is a utilitarian. He believes that the ends do justify the means. That was the problem with the whole SHRA. For example, if there was a trolley coming along a track and it would kill five people unless you hit the switch to flip it onto another track, where it would kill one person, Tony would hit the button without a second thought."

"Are you giving me a **philosophy** lesson?"

"Yes. There is a reason to this. I believe in retributivism. There are three main points. First, the guilty must be punished for their voluntary wrongdoing. Second, the punishment must be equivalent to the wrongdoing and third, that wrongdoers must be made to suffer as they caused others to suffer. However, punishment should only be administered because the person has committed the crime. Punishing them to make an example to others is unacceptable, as it is destroys the dignity all humans deserve. Punishment **should** fit the crime, but it should be done in private, and it should not be biased. As Kant said, 'justice ceases to be justice if it can be bought for any price whatsoever.' I believe that if you kill many people, you deserve to die as well. But I will never enjoy killing, nor will I torture or make an example of one of my… I refuse to call them victims. For example, Dr Mengele. He tortured heaven knows how many innocent children. I found him, ensured that it **was** him and beheaded him. I felt no guilt for what I did. I showed him a form of mercy, yet I still delivered justice. I did not care what his background was. I would have done exactly the same if he were a prince or a pauper, a Jew or a Gentile. His actions were what resulted in his execution. I will not kill for what someone may or may not do in the future. I will only kill to bring retribution for past crimes or if I happened across an event where someone is about to kill an innocent, and the only way I can save the person's life is to kill the attacker. I would not hesitate in the last instance. I would kill the aggressor to save the life of the innocent. However, if I could find a way of diffusing the situation without killing the aggressor, as they **have not yet killed**, then yes, I would use that for preference."

"You still haven't explained-"

"Wait. There are people who have killed many mutants. They threaten the survival of my species and they have killed a number of us and plan to kill more. I would kill those people, for their past crimes, not for the crimes they are to commit. I will also kill in self-defence, but only if they try to kill me first. I have… Logan and a few others have formed a team to protect the mutant race from threats that **must** be dealt with using lethal force. I am on that team. Today… Today I had to choose if a child who was the resurrection of a mass-murderer and mutant supremacist; who had committed vile atrocities in his former life and was being brainwashed into the same person; should die. It is things like that which sicken my soul."

"Etana… What. Did. You. Do."

"I…I did nothing… We were… We were arguing… One of us said that we couldn't hold him accountable for crimes he didn't even remember committing. Another of us, who had suffered greatly at the hands of the man the child used to be, was going to kill him. But he couldn't. We were arguing. I…I was in favour of taking the child somewhere safe, isolated; where he could be raised yet never hurt anyone ever again. After all, he had already died for his past crimes and the child didn't **ask** to be reborn. And… And one of us, who had never been directly harmed by either the child or the man the child had been, shot him, right in the head…"

She presses her hands to the sides of her face.

"The child was not the man. I see that now. He had the opportunity to be so much more, and he was killed without mercy. He was so…so afraid… He was… He was trying not to cry when…when we were talking so…so callously…about whether he deserved to live or die…"

And now I realise what the philosophy lecture was about. She wanted me to see this from her view. I lean over and wrap my hands around her, knowing that I can't say anything, because she's right. I don't believe you can ever justify killing. Even when Tony stopped and restarted the Crimson Dynamo's heart, I was angry. Tony always accuses me of seeing the world in black and white, with no shades of grey. Etana has given that a name. Deontologist. She has a book on that somewhere. She has a book on almost everything. I never expected… I never thought she could be so eloquent on her beliefs and as I myself told Spider-Man, "Stand up for what you believe in, no matter how much the rest of the world tells you you're wrong." Etana has her beliefs based on her life experience. I have mine. They are in opposition but they will exist together. Because we're both too damn stubborn to change.


	32. Hair Trigger

She doesn't think I can see her. I'm standing in the shadows, looking down at her. She leaps, teleports and beheads the moving dummy without making a sound. She once told me that the War hadn't really been a war to her. It had just been an increased workload. Her entire life is a battle, one where there is no reprieve, no calm. She can't even relax when we're off-duty. She is always fighting, always a warrior.

She spoke a few times to Hope Summers, the mutant messiah child. The other X-Men try to keep her away from the girl. I didn't know why until Logan explained. Etana used the girl as bait to draw in Bastion, the mutant killing machine, and turned it into a heap of scrap metal. According to Tora she saved the lives of Cable and Nightcrawler, as well as two non-combatant mutants. But Cable tries to keep Etana away. The odd thing is, the girl seems to want to talk, but gets pulled away every time she tries to talk to Etana.

And Etana doesn't want to talk to her. It's odd. I can't fit in with her mutant life. Can't understand what they suffer. And I know Tora keeps hurrying over. The woman is exhausted. Apparently one of her 'others' is changing rapidly, too rapidly for both Tora and Tana's liking. And also, one day Tora turned up and yelled for a long time, telling Etana that lies weren't the way to go. Etana dragged her off and they had a very long talk, resulting in Tora leaving and telling Etana to tell me. She hasn't, and I'm not going to push. Lesson one of being married to her. **Never** ask a question you may regret a totally truthful answer to. Yes. I learnt that very, **very** early on. Really, you don't want to ask, "What is that for?" and get the reply "Blowing up things in a tailored radius. Don't touch. It's on a hair-trigger."

Stevie looks up at me. His eyes are dark brown, very good at looking plaintively up at you. Etana just glares at him and tells him that if he pukes on her, she will refuse to send him to a first rate college. She seems to think it's funny. Oh boy… Our kid is going to grow up really messed up.


	33. Secrecy

"You're an idiot."

"What?"

She throws the tabloid across the table at me, eyes dark and dangerous.

"Read it."

The front page has a photo of me taking control of security. And blown up is my left hand, the wedding ring in full view for all to see.

MRS AMERICA!? is the title and Etana glares at me again.

"Read it. You promised you would be careful."

"Er… Is the former Captain America married? Yesterday, Steven Rogers, the original Captain America and leader of the anti-reg forces during the SHRA debacle last year… er… assassinated… ah, here. Rogers was seen wearing a wedding ring at his acceptance of his new roles as security chief, a position he has taken over from Norman Osborn. Er… We ask who could have attracted the attention of a man married to his country…er… oh…"

The article is listing pretty much every female A-lister, **including** Sue Richards.

"Go on."

"An unlikely suspect has reached our ears. What if Cap **hasn't** fallen for one of his Avengers teammates? What if, as one of our daring reporters suggests, his wife is none other than the mutant Shadow, who famously was the one who held him as he lay bleeding on the steps of the courthouse. Evidence suggests the two met at some point during WWII, which is perhaps the most conclusive evidence the pair may have some romantic attachment. However, it is highly unlikely that their relationship is anything but that of comrades in arms. What do you think? Send us your views and who **you** want him to be married to from our list."

She glares at me.

"You promised you would never wear the ring where anyone could see. Our entire **life** depends on secrecy! Stevie shouldn't be raised as the son of Captain America! He'd never step out of your shadow."

"Oh, and I suppose **your** shadow isn't as big?"

"No. Because he will never do what I do. I will not raise another son to be like me. I've ruined enough good men."

I know right now she's about to go into one of her darkly pensive and introspective moods.

"Etana, Logan is ruthless. But he is also selfless and honourable. Maybe the ruthlessness comes from you, maybe it's just a part of his nature. But the selflessness and honour? That's you, completely you. Same with Magneto's passion for mutant rights. He gets that from you. You made them who they are, two very passionate men who try and do things for the right reasons."

She looks up, and I see the exhaustion around her eyes.

"Go get some sleep."

"I'm **fine** Steve."

"Tana, as your team leader, I want you to go and get some sleep."

She glares at me, then gets up and leaves. I persuaded her to join my Secret Avengers as she hates the limelight, even only standing in the background of the X-Men. Her codename is all that's known. She flashes up every now and then, but never in high-profile places, always in the shadows, always hiding. The Avengers or the New Avengers are too high-profile for her. The X-Men however? They're big enough, convoluted enough to allow her anonymity.

I remember telling the Secret Avengers we weren't getting a Quinjet. They moaned, Clint in particular. And then I told them we were getting a transport that could get us anywhere in the world in a second, was heavily armed and never broke down. Their faces lit up and then I introduced the 'Shadow Quinjet', who promptly hit me around the head for getting their hopes up and they all burst out laughing. Tasha instantly swooped in on Tana and the pair were soon talking very quickly in Russian, with Natasha snorting now and again at one of the more archaic phrases Etana used. They laughed and soon wandered off to do whatever it is that super-deadly femme fatales do in their spare time.

When I finally go back to bed, she's curled up, wings tucked around her, sleeping soundly. This is the first time I've ever seen her so relaxed. She looks almost child-like.


	34. Rule One

Hank smiles at me.

"Seriously, this will be interesting. I thought she'd be interesting as a weapons teacher."

"You do know she taught the Young X-Men how to handle grenades, right?"

Hank stops.

"I thought that was just gossip!"

"No."

We look back into the training room. Etana is standing there with a large gym bag which she drops. The clatter is distinctively threatening.

"Hello, I'm Shadow. I'm your Weapons Instructor. And I'm here to teach you how to –if you have to- defeat an entire army on your own, with a paperclip, a bow and three arrows and a very large vat of melted butter. Now **that** was one eventful day."

"Er…aren't you that X-Man? You aren't even on the C-List."

She sighs.

"Yes, I am on the X-Men as covert operative, advisor, instructor and general 'hey, there's a giant monster no one has seen in living memory, let's make Etana fight it on account that she probably **has** fought it at some point.' I'm also on an Avengers team, work solo most of the time and am the reason humanity didn't fizzle out in 1980, 1956, 1943, 1927, 1890, etc, etc, all the way back to about 500BCE. And Weapons Instruction will have to wait. Instead I think I'll have to tell you about superheroes' worst enemy."

"Who? Dr Doom?"

"No. And if anyone was **stupid** enough to try and write a biography of my life, Dr Doom would barely warrant a mention in a footnote. No, I'm talking about **fame**."

They glance at each other.

"A hero who is famous is a **target**. Spider-Man –to name one example- is a rite of passage for super-villains. Unless you fight –and try to **kill** Spider-Man– you are worth nothing in the underground culture of crime. I have survived three-thousand years by being **cautious**. The Society to Kill the Shadow is –thankfully- regarded as a group of conspiracy theorists who are all insane. Seriously, the theories about me are really rather flattering. Although the one about the Aztecs is totally garbage. Now, weapons! Everyone has a weapon that…gels. You won't know it until you pick it up, but when you do, you know that while you can use other weapons, that one will always be your favourite. Like this one."

The katana is suddenly in her hands.

"Weighted perfectly. Never needs sharpening. Cuts through anything, **including** adamantium, but heals anything that I may or may not cut accidentally. And look-" She balances the hilt on one finger, "Perfectly balanced. I was lucky. This sword was presented to me when I returned from my Bat Mitzvah by a time-traveller. The sword smith wouldn't be born for another two thousand years."

Then she whips it around and slices through the neck of a dummy. She smirks, taps the head and it falls off, rolling to the feet of one of the students.

"Not cut. Sliced. At a molecular level. _Muzai_ was the masterpiece of Masamune's life."

"You **named** your sword? That's **sad**."

"_Muzai_. Not 'the sword'. Anyway, it's a katana. When you say **sword** you normally mean the European broadsword or the rapier. I've never met anyone who thinks of a sword as I do. A bronze sickle-sword, that's what I see. Anyway, it was traditional to name a weapon when I was rising to the top of the league."

"Which was when? Two-thousand, nine hundred and eight-five years ago?"

"No. To my eternal shame, I was an assassin from when I was twenty to around seventy. Now, weapons. Everyone chose a weapon from the bag and I'll explain how it works, how to fight and most importantly, whether it's right for **you**."

Then she's running around; telling Hazmat to try a broadsword not a rapier "If the medieval knights could wield one of these in full armour, this scaled down version shouldn't be too difficult for you"; shaking her head at Mettle, "No, you have the advantage of strength and invulnerability in close-ranged attacks. Take a projectile weapon instead. Not a bow, you're too strong. Try a bolas"; grabbing Striker's hand before he picks up a bow, "No, no, **no**! You're the opposite of Mettle! Take a close-range weapon, one you can charge. Stand up straight. Chin back. Arm out. Yes, I think –here! Try these butterfly knives. Lovely little matched blades, can easily be hidden in sleeve"; standing for a long time with Veil, "I'm tempted to try you with a _tachi_, but you'll need something small and light for easy movement. Try a _hira_"; then talking to Finesse, "I may take you onto more advanced studies later but to begin with, something that will challenge you… I know! Hook swords!"

She darts around with the same enthusiasm, changing the weapons every now and then and duelling Finesse, easily beating her and then nodding.

"Good. You'll all do. No one's up to any **kind** of standard. I could probably beat you all when I was unarmed. In fact…"

She sheathes Muzai and places it reverently on a shelf. Then she walks into the room and takes up a combat stance.

"Come on."

No one moves. She smiles.

"What is Rule Number One?"

"Cheat. Always cheat."

"Good. Number Two?"

"Always be wary of confident opponents. They may know something you don't."

"Three?"

"Be very, **very** afraid of smiling women who tell you 'come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'."

Etana straightens.

"You pass muster. I'll come back."

They bring their final weapons forward but she shakes her head.

"Keep them. They're yours. This bag was the stuff I don't use. After all, my butterfly knives have served me well enough all these years, why did Logan give me new ones as a present? Some of the weapons were mistakes. Those hook swords for instance. I'm used to a certain style of fighting and those hilts aren't complimentary to that. Same time next week. Oh, and homework."

There's a series of groans.

"Get used to the feel of the weapons; tell me if there's a cause for concern and we'll go through care and adaptation next lesson."

And she vanishes from the training room to arrive next to us.

"Rough gems, but I sense more than one diamond."

Hank blinks.

"That good, huh?"

She laughs.

"Yes. That good."


	35. Creeping Flame

She gulps.

"Steve… I…I think I need to be in San Francisco. I…I have to stand by my people…"

"Go. Go Tan. Just…come back. When you've done whatever you need to do, come back. Because we'll need you."

"Steve… the adamantine armour… It hold under Uru. If… If you need it…"

"You keep it. You'll need it more than I do."

She nods slightly.

"Stay safe Discus-Boy."

"Tan… What **are** we facing? I know you know."

She lowers her head.

"We are facing fear Steve. We are facing Fear itself. And our kind will fall. I… She… Death will come to an Avenger. One of the Big Three. One of you is going to die."

"Tana…? Who?"

"I…I don't know… It's all confused… Steve…"

"Yes?"

"I…I need you to trust me. I need you to realise that no matter how bleak this looks, I am not abandoning you. I will return. But… I have some stuff I'll need to do first."

"Of course. Go save the X-Men."

"If Odin causes problems… Tell him the Black Angel might be able to prevent what he fears the most. He will understand."

"Tana?"

She smiles slightly and sadly, then vanishes. And I go back to planning the attack. Logan arrives a number of hours later, looking the worse for wear, but no Tora. And no Etana. And then when Tony brings the stuff, she still isn't there. And neither's Tora. And Thor goes to fight the Serpent and they aren't there. And then they arrive, Etana in her blood-red armour and Tora standing beside her. And I march up to her.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!? WHERE THE **HELL** HAVE YOU BEEN!? WE'VE BEEN NEEDING YOU!"

Tora shakes her head.

"We needed permission. We had to ask for permission."

"From **who** Tora?! Who do you answer to?! You're **Dragon** for Pete's sake!"

"There are greater powers than I, Steve."

Tony runs over.

"Got your armour Tora…"

She wrinkles her nose.

"Pitiful Uru. I have my own version."

Silver workings slip over her uniform, gleaming and bright in the darkness, reflective where the Uru is dull, a dragon gleaming in the night as the helmet, a leonine face, slips over her golden eyes. Etana nods.

"Good."

Tony turns.

"I didn't get you anything. You've got your armour. Any weapons that can kill those…**things**…?"

Etana is frozen, staring at Thor. Tora shakes her head.

"You know the prophecy. He has to fight this. And he'll die."

"Maybe all he needs is some help…"

I grab her arm.

"No Tan! You'll die!"

She looks so sorrowful.

"You can't kill what's already dead. And what was the point of asking permission to interfere if I don't do it **properly**?"

Tora is shaking her head violently.

"I was only able to get permission for you to stop the death of the Earth… You aren't allowed to do it… You can't…"

Etana smiles slightly.

"I always thought the rules were more…guidelines…"

She turns to me.

"I'm sorry… I should have told you…"

And then she draws a curved sickle sword from nowhere that bursts into pure white flames and the fire starts to spread up her arm until she ignites…


	36. Hell's Angel

She's unrecognisable. Her entire body is gleaming flames, black for the most part, silver fire wreathing around her head, the red armour now the only solid part of her and burning white. Tora steps up beside her and they nod. Tora speaks first.

"The Dragon and Death's Left Hand. I shall aid the Thunderer. You defeat the Worthy."

And Etana nods softly and the words echo around my head.

_We shall change the course of history._

"I'll turn fully. I'm trusting you to help the Avengers."

_Of course… You know what I may be required to do…_

"Yes. Now no more words! We **fight**!"

And Etana takes off as Tora's armour enlarges and she changes with it, becoming a silvery-blue dragon with a size to rival the Serpent, huge wings spreading out. But where the Serpent is snarling and dark, this dragon looks beautiful, wise, kindly… And Tora, or whatever Tora has become, takes off and hits the Serpent full on and they start grappling, the graceful silver claws digging into green scales as his claws slide off hers.

"**Dragon… Why do you fight me…? You aren't of this world…**"

And Tora's reply is in a voice so ancient it makes the Serpent's terrible voice sound like that of a child.

**_I. Am. HUMAN! I am Tora and I am Dragon! And this is MY world!_**

Etana's wings flare open and silver fire rains down, somehow not hitting the Avengers or civilians, only the Serpent's followers. And each one hit screams as their bodies wither away. Then I hear Tora screaming as the Serpent bites down on her neck. Silver blood falls and she writhes in pain, her long tail somehow managing to hit one of those with the hammers and sending them flying.

"**You are WEAK Dragon… Once a god could not halt your advances… But I shall be the one to kill the Dragon… You should never have taken the human form. It shall be your undoing. You are so FEARFUL!**"

**_I am strong. Not because of the weight of ages. I am strong because I. Am. HUMAN!_**

And she lunges, breaking free and slamming into him.

**_And it is not because I feel fear that I shall lose. I shall win because I feel fear and I can conquer it! Little Thunderer! NOW!_**

She bites the Serpent's neck, slams his head back and Thor drives the sword directly into the wide-open mouth. And I hear Etana screaming _NOOOO_! in her unearthly thought-voice and then Tora falls, a huge gash in her neck from where the Odinsword passed through the Serpent's head and into her…

The two great beasts fall from the sky, Thor a tiny speck next to them as the Asgardians come through and Etana flies furiously towards them, burning so intensely I can't bear to look directly at her. I realise that Sin is half-dead but at the moment I couldn't care less because Etana is flying directly towards danger and I don't care **what** she is, because she's still my **wife** and I'm not letting her get hurt…

I run and Odin and Logan are running beside me, all of us desperate to get to the one we care about most. And we reach the crater and Logan runs to Tora, who is shrinking back to her normal size, the terrible wounds already fading and Thor crawls towards Odin and falls into his arms and all I can do is stare at Etana, who is standing so still, staring at Thor. And Odin raises his eyes to her.

"You have come for him? He truly is…"

She nods, so sadly.

_He is a man at heart. And men die. Gods fade but men die._

And she walks forward and gently crouches down beside the All-Father.

_Do you trust me, All-Father? Do you trust me with your son's soul?_

"Who else do I have?"

_I will carry him like my own child. Odin Borson, your son will be my greatest Chosen. His saga will never be forgotten as long as I exist. And I shall live as long as Death exists._

Then she holds out her arms and a tiny spark of electricity flickers around her and she holds out a hand and it gathers there, in a sparking ball of blue and Etana stands, taking the orb with her and fading into oblivion as I scream her name.

"ETANAAA!"

And Odin fixes me with a dull, one-eyed glare.

"She is not your 'Etana'. She is the Malach Hamavet. She is Death Incarnate…"


	37. The Ever Fix'd Mark

She's holding Stevie but I can't see her face.

"Tana?"

She doesn't turn. I step forward and touch her shoulder.

"Tan?"

She turns and I freeze. Over her right cheek is a white mark the shape of a skeletal hand.

"Tana?"

I brush my fingers over it. I can see the fingers, stark and bright against her fur.

"What happened?"

"Mistress Death thought I had overstepped."

"What did she do?"

"Slapped me. Death's hand marks me."

"How do I fix it?"

"You don't. I made my choice then. As I made it when I became the Malach Hamavet."

"Yes. You owe me an explanation."

She sighs and places Stevie back down, then turns to me.

"I was **thirteen**. And I was supposed to die. But a…friend taught me to fight and I survived. Azrael, the other Angel of Death, turned up to take me, but my friend sold… She sold a lot and got Mistress Death to offer me a job."

"A…job?"

"I would serve her. I would become…angel is the only word in English. I suppose… A bit like the Surfer for Galactus? Her Herald. I did the jobs she couldn't be bothered to turn up personally for. I only had a few jobs to do. People who accept death. Those who sacrifice themselves for the good of others. And those to whom death is a release. I was scared. I was a child who had just watched her guardians being brutally murdered in front of her and then had killed every single one of the raiders. So I said yes. And I **changed**."

"What was that when fighting the Worthy?"

"That was the Malach Hamavet. It's in me, somewhere. A part of me, but not. The purest part, not entirely human, but with my memories and soul."

"So…"

"I'm still **me** Steve. I am always Etana and I am always the Angel of Death. I can't be anything else."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not exactly something you can bring up in a normal conversation. You didn't need to know when we first met, then I never saw a good time to bring it up!"

"I don't know! You could have mentioned it on one of our dates!"

"And how would you have reacted? I suddenly come out with; by the way, I'm Death's Angel; how would you react!? Truthfully? How?"

"I… I don't think I'd have believed you…"

"I had hoped to shield you from that. I hoped you would never have to know what I truly am."

"You lied, Tana!"

"And I have to live with that. I have lied to **everyone**, Steve! All I love and hold dear! None have ever been told the truth! Not even Logan or Max!"

I stare at her for a long time before turning away.

"Tell them."

And I leave her, knowing that she needs time to think, time alone. The price of being an angel…

She comes to me three hours later, her faced streaked with tears and the white hand still fresh on her face. And I know she's told Logan and Magneto. We don't say anything. I just hold my arms open and she hugs me as she cries. And I gently rock her back and forth, like she would rock Stevie.

"It's okay, Tan… It's okay…"


	38. Scarred

I know every single scar on her body. From the rictus of scar tissue around her shoulders, where bone forced through; to the lines of a whip on her lower back, from an offense she will not speak of; to the straight line on her stomach where she was hit with a spear fighting Rome; the scar along her left upper arm where she was caught in battle and had no time for the wound to be healed; the mottling around one ankle where a burning rope caught her unawares. Her life has left its marks. But none as terrible, or as obvious, as from where Death slapped her for saving our lives. Bright white lines lay along her right cheek, from where she was backhanded by the right hand. I know what that means to her. By backhanding her, Etana has been put in her place. Beneath Death.

I can imagine her, standing defiant in front of a being more powerful that Odin, staring her straight in the empty eyes and never once flinching. Taking the blow without recoiling. But nothing anybody does can ease the stark whiteness on midnight fur. The fur has burnt away, the skin has bleached colourless. Doc Strange daren't even try. Even Tora, who I have seen heal the most terrible of wounds, can do **nothing**. When she poured water over it, the liquid boiled away.

Etana is marked by Death. Marked as one of Death's servants. It is…difficult. Our enemies of more occult or supernatural origin fear her from the first glance. Others simply laugh. And then she draws one of her swords.

I now know the name of the sickle-sword. It is a khopesh, a blade used by Canaanite warriors in the first days of Israel. But Etana wields hers with grace. I have never seen her use the sword made of fire, but she recently turned up with the blade made of bronze. She says it was a gift. A gift for killing a man. And then she turned away, ashamed that once her blade could be bought, even if it was by her own king.

She's sitting down just now with a whetstone and oil, running her hand over the blade with a critical eye.

"Too sharp. Look."

She holds up a hand with a red line of blood down it.

"The blade's too thin. I need to blunt it, get it to a more manageable thickness."

She starts grinding the stone down the blade, then pulls down one of her magnifying lenses that fit into the rather convoluted glasses.

"Can you stop that? It's mildly disturbing."

Her head snaps up and she stares at Hawkeye.

"What?"

"The way you're looking at that sword with some sort of creepy adoration thing."

She raises an eyebrow.

"And you don't talk to your bow?"

"Oi! How do you…"

"Oh, so you **do**. Bit of a shot in the dark, but **ever **so interesting."

"What!"

She smirks and goes back to drawing the stone over the edge of the sword, humming something under her breath.


	39. Bugged

The footage is from the hidden camera in Sadie Sinclair's office in San Francisco. Planted to keep an eye on the X-Men. Considering the fact I know Scott Summers has sixteen bugs in my office, I feel it's justified. This is from just before Kuurth attacked.

_"I bet Steve Rogers doesn't bring __**his**__ mayor coffee in the morning."_

_"That's because Steve has got it into his head that caffeine is bad for you. Scott, minor problem…"_

_Sinclair swears._

_"Who's this!?"_

_Etana turns and holds out a hand._

_"Etana. The Shadow. Mutant, X-Man, the only person on Earth stupid enough to marry Steve Rogers."_

_"__**Marry**__!?"_

_"Yeah. Long story. But yeah, he's got it into his head that we're all drinking too much caffeine. He learnt the hard way what happens when you try to stop me drinking coffee. Three weeks on the couch."_

_She laughs then turns to Scott._

_"I'm here to officially request leave to do some digging. I can swear I've seen those symbols before. Normally before Odin shoves me out the room, but I have seen them. And Tora's offered to come with me."_

_"Why do you both need to go?"_

_She fixes her gaze on Cyclops._

_"Scott, if you trust me, and if you value your continued trust in me, do not ask that question of me again. Tora needs to plead my case."_

_"What case?"_

_"I need permission to interfere in a more…powerful capacity."_

_"Etana…?"_

_"Pray you don't have to find out what that capacity is, Scott, else we're all two seconds off dying."_

_"Etana…"_

_"Trust me. What I can do with permission will make what these attackers can do look like… I don't know, what Stilt-Man can do compared to Sentry."_

_"Etana, you can do something like that?"_

_"Yes, but… Scott, it's incredibly dangerous and is playing with things we shouldn't. I'm liable to end up in all sorts of cosmic trouble. Like, dragged kicking and screaming in front of the Tribunal trouble. I need Tora because… Well, I think she's been called up for interference some thirty or forty times."_

_"Will someone explain what on earth is going on!"_

_Etana turns to Sinclair._

_"It's not __**of **__Earth. I'm going off to make a deal with one of the Five –The Big Five, you know…? Obviously not. The Five. Death, Eternity, Infinity, Oblivion and Galactus. Cosmic beings. I'm off to try and plead my case for power to protect San Francisco. All this points at being Asgardian in origin. A Big Five pact will beat that."_

_Cyclops frowns._

_"Tan, what's to say they won't laugh in your face?"_

_And Etana tilts her head back._

_"I am Death's Left Hand. She owes me."_

_"She?!"_

_"Death's a girl, Ms Sinclair. Well…likes to take female form. And… well, hanging around for three thousand years normally means you get to know some pretty important beings."_

_She looks at Scott._

_"I need to go. I need Tora with me as well. She's going to see if she can persuade the Tribunal to allow her to reclaim the Nemesis Gems."_

_"What?"_

_"Look, I've already said too much. Can I?"_

_"If you think you can stop whatever this thing is, then go."_

_Etana nods, bows to Sinclair and smirks._

_"See you soon, Ms Sinclair. Etana Rogers at your service."_

_And she vanishes._

"You really should stop spying on me."

I whip around. Etana is leaning on the door, a wry smile on her face.

"Tan!"

"Also, I've told you about bringing work home."

"Etana, you leave weaponry on the table!"

She shrugs. I sigh.

"Anyway, I know Scott knows about them. He has sixteen bugs in my office."

"Twenty-eight."

"What?"

"Twenty-eight. Bugs."

"Etana, how do you…?"

"I planted them for him."

"TAN!"

"What? I planted the thirty-eight you gave me in all the important parts of Utopia. And I didn't tell Scott. Although I have now, because I bugged this room as well."

I stare at her.

"Etana… Are you sincerely telling me you bugged our home?"

She shrugs.

"What? I bugged Scott's rooms for you. Sorry, Scott. Yes, I know you're listening to this because you don't trust anyone. Good strategy, Slim. Now you might want to fast forward an hour or two. We're about to have one of our very almost-violent arguments and then make-up in a way one **never** wants to think of Captain America doing."

"TAN!"

She smirks at me.

"What?"

"Do you **know** how irritating that is!?"

"Shall we mentally scar Scott for life?"

"TANA!"


	40. Betrayal of Trust

I'm going to **kill** her! She's on the run with the Young Avengers, Quicksilver and a former mutant **terrorist**, attempting to find the woman who destroyed the Avengers! She rammed Logan's head through a wall, threw Carol four blocks and blasted Iron Man with Angel's Breath, then vanished with Magneto and the kids!

But then, I'm nowhere **near** as mad as Logan is. Tora's with them. Tora's gallivanting off with the Young Avengers and her son, the ever-cheerful Poison, is there as well. And Logan's the one in favour of killing Wanda. I'm slightly worried what will happen when Logan and Tora end up meeting. I'm hoping against hope that Tora will do what we didn't allow her to do last time. Heal Wanda. Heal the Scarlet Witch. Why was it that Tora, Etana and Sue Richards were the only ones who spoke up in favour of Wanda all those years ago? And then I realise…

Tora and Sue are mothers, Etana as good as one at the time. Tora had just gone through hell for three months, thinking she'd lost a child. And Etana once thought she lost Max. We should have listened to those who knew what Wanda was going through… We should have helped Tora, instead of sending her to the plane, telling her the autopilot would take her to Genosha and then dump her at the X-Mansion. Etana we 'accidentally' send to the wrong room that contained a power suppressor. Because if we didn't do that, she'd have taken Tora to save Wanda. Why did we go so wrong? What persuaded us that force was better than Tora's much more **humane** method?

So although I make a show of wanting to find Wanda before Wiccan does, I'm crossing my fingers that Etana and Tora get there first. Because maybe, just maybe, they can prevent the fight I can see welling on the horizon…

Well, luckily, the only fights were between Etana and Doom (Tan won, hands down. Magic is hopeless against the power Etana wields as the Malach Hamavet) and Tora and Logan. They were on the Quinjet on the way back with Tora gently rocking Wanda from side to side as she cried about what she did and Logan came over and asked if that was it? If Wanda was getting away with mutant genocide without any punishment. Both Etana and Magneto got up, as if to defend Wanda but Tora waved them aside, stood up and ripped right into Logan. They were yelling at each other the whole journey back and I have to say that far too much dirty laundry was aired in front of the Avengers. Because Tora won that argument. She won it with one, angry shot that maybe destroyed too many people's faith in her.

"You blame her! You blame **her**! You want to kill her for what she did?! FINE! But before you kill her, you kill me! I'm a murderer! I killed my own **flesh and blood** without a second thought! I turned, became the darkness incarnate! I killed in cold blood! I threw Jean into a black hole! When Sakaar burned, I should have been there! BUT I WASN'T! I committed **genocide** by proxy! I wasn't there, so the world **burned**! I wasn't there and a million lives were snuffed out! Wanda may be responsible for a few deaths! But I am responsible for **billions** by doing **nothing**! Kill me then Logan! Kill me and then you can have Wanda! But unless you are prepared to kill me for the lives I let go of, then you have no right to kill Wanda! Unless you are prepared to hurt me for almost **killing** Emma when she entered my mind to stop me from going **insane **when I thought I'd lost my son, then you have no right to hurt Wanda! So **back off** before I go Dragon on you! And you know what happens when I go Dragon when I'm emotional! I go Dark, Logan! I go Dark and then Wanda will be the **least** of your problems! If you want Wanda, you have to kill me first. So do it."

And Tora just stood, back poker-straight and arms out, waiting for a blow that never came. And all the Avengers just stared at her with a mixture of fear and slight revulsion on their faces. Because we'd all seen a side of Tora she keeps very, **very** hidden. The dark side, the ferocious and animalistic side of her personality. The side that could kill in cold-blood and **enjoy** it. And when Tora collapsed exhausted, the only one who dared help her to a seat was Etana. Everyone else was too afraid.


	41. Antagonism

"Sweetheart, I'm going to Switzerland."

"What?"

"Scott has insisted I go with Logan to Switzerland for that arms control conference. He wants Logan as his Avenger and me as a mutant with a physical 'anti-deformity' and enough knowledge to bring down countries. Oh, and I think I'll have to take Stevie. You can't take him to work, Tora's off doing Tora stuff, I can't impose on Luke and Jessica anymore and Stevie **hates** the Baxter Building unless Eva's there."

"Is that wise?"

"People will think twice before shooting a woman carrying a toddler, no matter the woman's reputation and I've been wanting to see how the bulletproof blanket works out."

"TANA!"

"What?"

"You can't just test safety blankets on our son!"

"Do you think I should use the lead-shielded one?"

"You're deliberately missing the point here…"

"Oops, have to go, Scott's glaring at me. See you, darling. Bye!"

The screen flickers out and I sigh. She does this deliberately. She's always going to be like this, wild and free, no matter how hard I try. She may be married, but she's never going to change just because she happens to have made some vows and lives with me. She'll always be Etana; running around, saving the world, being highly sarcastic and insulting important people. I suppose it was the fact she acts like rank and class don't exist and treats everyone the same that attracted me to her in the first place. She judges people on their actions, not their words or their bloodline. But she has suddenly refused to be parted from Stevie for more than a few minutes. I'm not certain what has spiked her protective instinct.

I point to one of the subordinates.

"You! Tell me when the Utopia delegation arrives at the Swiss arms control conference!"

"Yes, Sir!"

I might not be going, but I can definitely watch and make sure Etana doesn't end up in danger. Who am I kidding? It's the world leaders who are in danger of her acid tongue and sarcasm. She seems to delight in insulting people. Important people who are full of themselves for preference, but she'll settle for a normal person as well.

I sigh and go about doing my job, all the while worrying about the magnitude of trouble Etana will find and plunge headfirst into.

"Sir? The Utopian delegation has arrived. I've set up the screens in your office…"

"Thank you. Please put the word out I don't want to be disturbed until the conference is over."

"Yes, Sir!"

I stare at the screens as Cyclops walks in, talking to Wolverine with Etana fussing over Stevie behind them.

_"And one of the Utopians seems to have brought a child… Oh. Security seems to be pulling her up."_

_"You can't bring that child in here!"_

_"I'm sorry. But there are only eight people in the world I would leave him alone with. His father's at work, his 'uncle' is here today, his 'aunt' is busy trying to keep her own children in check and Stevie is terrified of Doreen's pets. He doesn't like the Baxter Building unless one of his parents or his aunt is there and the remaining two people are not exactly babysitter material. I only trust James with Stevie because James would die to save him but James is busy being a hero and Tony is… rather exhausted right now. You __**could **__have supplied childcare facilities you know. I'm not leaving a two-year-old at home alone."_

_"Oh…"_

_And Etana hurries after Logan, whispers something quietly to Cyclops then claps her hand onto his shoulder and laughs._

_"Go get them, leader-boy."_

_He smiles at her and nods, and she stands next to Logan as Cyclops gives his speech about the Sentinels. And then someone says that the Sentinels don't exist and Etana steps forward, eyes flashing dangerously as she gently manoeuvres Cyclops out of the way._

_"Do you know, the death camps of the Holocaust didn't exist? That Treblinka was a labour camp? No people died except of old age or illness? That is what you are saying. Once again, one of my people are being persecuted and downtrodden. Once again, I have to watch as my kind are killed. When you have lived as long as I have, seen nations rise and fall, you'd think you'd become insensitive to death and genocide. Let me tell you. You don't. Every time I see a new atrocity, I feel the pain as if it were my own. And each time it gets worse, because Every. Single. Time, humanity says 'never again' and ten, twenty years later, it has happened again!"_

_"And who are you, who speaks with such…knowledge?"_

_"Etana Bat Aleka, also known as Justice's Shadow, the Black Angel, the Half-Fallen, the Kingmaker, the Lady of the Night, the Malach Hamavet and Death's Left Hand. I was old when Romulus murdered Remus on the banks of the River Tiber. I have hunted down murderers, fought monsters and challenged __**gods**__. And every single time I see genocide and senseless death, I feel like the child who had watched her guardians murdered in front of her once more. And then as if I had just fought for my life once more and taken the first life I ever had. I am not proud of what I am and what I do. But it is needed. I do the jobs the rest of the world __**knows**__ need doing but find too dirty to authorise. I tidy up and they all breathe a sigh of relief and talk about how __**wonderful**__ it is that this tyrant or that dictator is gone and then in the next breath they decry me as a murderous demon. Speak not of hardship in my presence. You don't know the meaning of the word. Hardship is becoming an assassin because you owe a man your life and freedom. Hardship is wishing you were dead as you cry into the night as you realise you have killed men when you were afraid and alone. Hardship is never being able to stay in one place because people only tolerate you when they need you. Hardship is remaining young as your friends age and wither and die. Hardship is watching your students leave you and suffer so much pain because they are something unique, something special. You want to know the price that has been paid to keep this world at peace and free. Look no further than the blood on my hands. You __**dare**__ insinuate that we have made up the Sentinel threat? Then count me out of protecting the world. You wouldn't last a __**year**__."_

_"You are so sure of your abilities?"_

_"I was one of the three that destroyed the Serpent and his Worthy, but of course, people forget that because the Avengers were there and what use could two __**mutant women**__ be to Earth's Mightiest Heroes? Children the lot of them. Sweet, endearing children, but children none the less."_

She smiles sweetly and I bury my head in my hands. She had to do that, didn't she? Antagonise some of the most important people in the world? And then I start laughing hysterically. I should have **known** she'd do this!

_"Attention all humans and human sympathisers! Eeek!"_

_The cameras swivel around to see a boy with ridiculous pink hair standing stock still with Etana behind him, still smiling sweetly._

_"Now, if you are __**stupid**__ enough to try and use your telepathy on these people, I will lobotomise you with this diamond dagger that a very __**dear**__ friend gave me when I was in Madripoor in the 1800s. It's been invaluable since the advent of these ridiculous metal detectors."_

_"You… wouldn't…dare…"_

_"Oh, but you fail to realise that I was the one who taught my dear Logan down there, or the one who taught Max Eisenhart how to kill a man before he was fourteen. Killing has always been a necessary evil to me. You do realise what damage you do to our people with your relentless anti-human crusade? But then, you're no more than a child, are you? You're what… Twelve? Thirteen?"_

_"Sixteen!"_

_"Oh, how __**old**__ you are."_

_She has to allow the sarcasm to drip like thick treacle as Security stand, uncertain of how to proceed. Etana rolls her eyes and it's a mark of how well I know her that I can see that._

_"Logan, be a dear. Third pouch on the right of the buckle, there's a thin piece of cloth. Pull it out and wrap it round Mr Quire's head. It's a telepathic dampener. Sadly it will give him a terrific headache, but it's a sacrifice we have to make."_

_And then she sighs._

_"I'll head off. Logan, take Stevie will you? He seems to get teleportation sickness for any journey over about a mile and I want to make this in one jump."_

As soon as Logan is holding Stevie, Etana vanishes. And then people start hammering on the door, shouting that 'Death to mutants' is now trending on Twitter and I need to go and see the President and everything is so exhaustive that I know, I just **know** I'm not going to see Etana for more than a few minutes for the next couple of days.

It all costs a lot more than a few days away from my wife.


	42. Small Sacrifice

All Logan said was that I had to come to Utopia right away, now, immediately. I thought it was about the Sentinel that had attacked Utopia. And in a way it was. It was about Etana and what she lost fighting it. Stepping into the infirmary with Logan, I feel both horrified and amazed at the same time.

Amazement because Etana, who pretends she is so separate, is surrounded by people who obviously care about her. Nightcrawler, pacing backwards and forwards, biting his lips; Magneto, back to the wall and fidgeting, rolling his helmet back and forth in his hands; Tora, sitting beside the bed and then all the Logan children; Curtis clinging to the ceiling, Jamie sitting on the big chair with both Eva and Stevie resting on either side of him. A dysfunctional family unit, but a loving one all the same.

Horror, because Etana is lying in a bed, eyes closed, oxygen mask on her face, left hand clasped in between Tora's, right arm resting at her side, down to the bandages about halfway down her bicep and that wrap around the stump of her arm, which is severed just above the elbow…

"Tan…"

Nightcrawler looks up.

"She single-handedly stopped the Sentinel. Teleported her arm right through the CPU. It destroyed the Sentinel but also…"

"Meant her arm was beyond being saved."

I turn to see Tora.

"Can you…explain?"

"When Etana teleports, she has to force the matter that's already there out of the way. With something like air, there isn't much of a problem as the molecules are so far apart. But something solid, like the Sentinel… You suddenly have twice the amount of matter in one space. Therefore, some parts of Etana's arm remained in the dimension she travels through, whilst some parts of the Sentinel were transported there. She… She managed to teleport back to Utopia before she blacked out… It wasn't pretty."

Curtis nods.

"Yeah! There were bits of flesh everywhere and-"

"CURTIS STEVEN LOGAN!"

"Sorry, Dad…"

Etana isn't moving except to breathe and I can't help but stare at the white bandages.

"Why isn't there any blood?"

Tora glances up, looking exhausted.

"I managed to stop the bleeding but I couldn't heal her. I'm sorry, Steve."

"I should have been here…"

"This is a mutant problem, Steve. It's understandable that you weren't here."

"Where's Quire?"

"We're holding him here. Trying him in front of his own peers… And then I'm reinstating the school in Westchester. Scott and I have it all worked out. The kids, those we've agreed are too young to fight, are coming with me, as is anyone who wants to. We'll still be X-Men, just slightly off the front lines, busy looking after the next generation of mutants, keeping them safe and as far away from danger as possible."

"Etana?"

"Don't know. Probably school. She keeps going on about how she doesn't want these kids to be like her, fighting for survival from a young age."

I stare down at her, at the stump where her arm should be and I don't know what to feel. She **needs** two arms. She's a fighter, needs to be able to balance, use a weapon. She'll never be able to use her bow again… Never be able to reach out with the effortless ease. She'll have a new centre of gravity to adjust to, a new fighting style to work out. A new job to get. I'm not letting her fight, not now.

And a little, selfish part of me hates the fact she sacrificed that arm without a second thought.


	43. Principles

"I don't want one."

"But, Tana…"

"I don't want one."

"But, Tan, both Tony **and** Box have made you mechanical arms. Can't you at least **try** them?"

She shakes her head violently.

"I made my choice. I'm not backing down."

"I don't see **why** you don't want a mechanical arm! I don't want you to fight unless you have two arms!"

"I have spent over three thousand years fighting with my own right hand. I cannot simply **change** so quickly!"

"But-"

"Steve, I have made my choice. I will learn to fight with one arm. I will live with one arm. Unless Tony is prepared to give a mechanical arm to every person who has lost one, then I will not wear it."

"This is a principle thing, isn't it?"

"No. This is an 'I knew what I was doing and I knew the consequences and I thought is all out very carefully and decided I didn't want a prosthetic arm' thing. But yeah, it's a principle thing as well."

I reach out and touch the empty sleeve.

"If… If this really bothers you, Steve, then yes, I'll take the prosthetic. But I don't want one because you think I'll be less of person without it… Then you can go fish."

My hand grasps the scratchy bandages from under the shirt.

"How long…?"

"Josh Foley has agreed to give me weekly healing sessions, to get the skin to grow back. We reckon about a month."

"And have you decided about the school?"

"I'm going. Logan asked if I'd be interested in Headmistress, but I refused. I'm going back to teaching History. You'd like that. It's a nice, **safe** job."

I wince. Yes, that maybe wasn't my smartest move. I told her when she woke up that she was off the Secret Avengers, I didn't want her doing solo stuff and I wanted her to stay safe. She yelled at me for a few seconds before she went into a coughing fit that shook her whole body. Beast took over the yelling for a while, told me Etana needed time to rest and get used to her lost limb. She's still bedridden but Hank gave me permission to move her to the New York highrise. She looks so worn. But now she looks at me.

"I'm sorry."

"You did what you had to."

She nods softly and brings her left hand up to press my hand to the amputated area.

"I'm so sorry. I…"

"It's alright."

Her eyes are shining in the light.

"Get used to it Steve. Even if I do accept a prosthetic, it will only be for fighting."

And I somehow end up with my hand clasped over the bandages and Etana just staring at me. And then I understand. So, so much comprehension, rushing through me.

"If you don't want the prosthetic… I understand."

"Thank you."

We sit in silence for a while then Etana smiles softly and brings her left hand up to her neck and pulls out a chain on which hangs her wedding ring that she wears…wore… on her right index finger.

"I wasn't going to sacrifice this. Looks like I'll have to use the left ring finger after all."

I smile weakly, unhook the chain and slip the ring onto the finger she has proffered.


	44. Mistrust

Black skin has grown back, but the area is furless. She's walking again, and toppling a bit. She either forgets or overcompensates. I've gotten used to automatically reaching for her in the night and not finding a hand splayed out close to my chest. I still haven't quite gotten used to seeing the truncated arm. I turn and start, then blush when I realise what I've done. She's maybe the person who has adapted quickest.

She seems –not exactly comfortable –more…accepting. She's accepted that she's lost her arm. And that she can't be everywhere at once, doing all the times she used to. If anything, she's calmed down, realised that maybe she doesn't have to go around saving everyone. Of course, she still wants to know what everyone, everywhere is doing. She'd be an amazing spymaster. Actually, that's what her new job is. I've put her in charge of the espionage department and she's already put every single agent through a six week retraining course. The intelligence received now is more concise and informative. The codes are stronger, the number of our agents killed or captured has fallen, AIM has been infiltrated to the highest level ever… This is why I'm going to an appointment in front of a number of high ranking officials to present my new spymaster to them.

I step out and smile, shake hands with the President then take my seat.

"Captain Rogers. The espionage departments under you have exceeded all our expectations. We have to congratulate you."

"It's not me you have to congratulate. I simply delegated the task and she immediately started retraining every agent in the field or out. And she even had some of the budget left over. She should have gotten my job. But… Well, she's a little…private. She'd hate to be in the spotlight."

"So who is this amazing woman we have to thank?"

"You have to understand, she got the job because she was injured saving lives and her injury prevented her from ever doing what she used to again. Etana?"

She steps out of the shadows and there are gasps, partially from her appearance, partially because she insisted on wearing a sleeveless shirt and the stump of her arm is tightly tied to her side with red bands.

"May I present Etana Bat Aleka, officially a teacher at the Jean Grey Institute. Unofficially, spymaster of the United States of America. A job she does without requesting any form of payment."

She shrugs.

"I was climbing walls. I needed **out**. There's only so much work you can do when everyone seems to think you need bubble-wrapped. My husband included. But he came around eventually."

One of the military high ups is staring at her with an oddly distrustful expression.

"You don't **sound** American."

"Strictly speaking, the country I was born in doesn't exist anymore. I suppose you could say I was Israeli. But it's been a long time since I went back home. I don't even think of it as home, not unless I'm thinking about my childhood. There wasn't really one… I do have American citizenship though. Courtesy of George."

"So why are you in a high-ranking position?"

"Because I'm the best. If you can survive three-thousand years looking like this, running a government agency is a piece of cake. Especially when the job they do is what you used to do for however many years it was I did that, before I was a bit of an idiot and stuck my hand into a robot."

I nod.

"Etana was at the UN arms control conference and the one who prevented the situation from escalating to worse than it already did. She then lost her right arm protecting the children who were on Utopia."

"Miss Bat Aleka…"

"Oh. It's not **Miss** Bat Aleka. Bat Aleka translates as Daughter of Aleka. It's not used as my surname. And I'm not **Miss** anyway."

"Oh… I…er…apologise… Ms…"

I smile softly, glance at Etana who shakes her head almost imperceptibly.

"I'd rather not talk about my family. I have enemies who would use them against me."

I feel I have to stand up for her.

"Etana is the most capable woman I know. I offered her the position after she was injured and was no longer able to serve on the Secret Avengers. Her talents were too important to waste."

Etana coughs lowly. Everyone turns to her.

"A few points. One, I have had American citizenship since America gained independence, as a reward for saving George Washington's life. Second, even if the last thing hadn't happened, I do believe that marriage to a citizen is one of the ways of gaining American citizenships."

She rises.

"If you will excuse me, I do believe I have an appointment to discuss the intelligence brought in from AIM. And then my infinitely more sensible subordinate will tell me that I cannot go and fight on the front lines due to my 'disability'. See you at tonight's meeting Steve."

She vanishes in her usual cloud of black smoke and the poor person next to her coughs a little. But the general who had been quizzing Etana is glaring at me.

"You instated a **mutie** into a position of trust? Are you **insane**?"

"I trust Etana with my life, as I do any of the X-Men."

"And what is your relation to her? Haven't the X-Men recently recruited Magneto?"

"I knew Magneto. Of course, it took me a while to put them together… I never really thought that the boy I met who was so shy and afraid was a survivor."

"You knew Magneto…?"

"It's where I met Etana. She saved us. Saved me, in so many ways. Showed me **why** I was fighting. I was fighting for the same reason she has always fought. Not for countries. Not for ideals. For the people who suffered. That's when I found out who I was. When I saw the boy who spoke of heaving bodies into a furnace. When he looked so angry and afraid. That's when I knew who to think of when I fought. For the children like Max, who was able to fire a gun before he learnt what equality was. He still doesn't know it. That's why he strikes out. He's always been a second-class citizen. As a Jew, sent to die. As a mutant, a sub-human creature. I don't agree with his methods… but now I know him, truly know him… I can't bear him ill-will."

I stand up.

"If you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

I walk to leave, still thinking about the day Etana challenged me over my motives. She asked me what I was fighting for and I answered 'America' without a second thought. She just stared at me for a long time and I **knew** I'd said something wrong. Finally, she spoke.

_"Fighting for ideals is alright in principle. But in practice… Ideals become corrupted and because you have always followed them blindly, you can't see that there is nothing left from what you originally fight for."_

_"And I suppose you know about this?"_

_My voice is harsh and cold. I don't want to be lectured by this woman. She raises her head and I see a flash of sorrow cross her face._

_"Once I fought for a country, as you do. But the ideals were corrupted. I became what I'd sworn to fight. So I left. I left and found who I should fight for."_

_"Who?"_

_She stares at Max, who's heaving blocks of food down from a cart._

_"When I first brought him here, he hated me. He ordered me to go back and rescue a woman who distracted the guards to allow him to get to me. And I told him I couldn't. This whole operation relies on me taking only a few people, not enough to be missed. Stealing a woman from under the noses of the guards would destroy everything I've worked for. Max screamed and pleaded and begged for me to go back. There have been so many Maxes. So many children who want me to be more than I am."_

_She turns to me._

_"It's those children I fight for. The innocents who are oppressed. It's my way of making sure ideals never corrupt me. Because I don't fight for ideals. I fight for the Maxes of the world."_

_And she turned away and began barking orders to get the food shifted quicker, because they had another cart to unload before it got dark._


	45. History is Fun

The school looks wonderful in the light as I walk in and suddenly I hear a voice from the open window.

"Well, Henry asks me to marry him to show the Pope that his new Church is so much better that he even gets to marry an angel and I just tell him 'no thanks, I like my head where it is' and go off to Scotland for a while."

There's a sudden burst of laughter and then Etana speaks again.

"And do you all remember the song I taught you?"

There's a chorus of 'Yes!'es.

"Do you want to sing it before the period ends?"

"YES!"

"Right. English monarch song, coming right up. To the CD player, my dear classroom assistant!"

There's a clatter of chairs and Etana starts shouting out instructions.

"Jonas, you're William One. Ben, you're Henry One. Paras, Henry Two. Santo, Henry the Eighth because you've got the voice for the low notes. Victor, Henry Four. Roxanne, Good Queen Bess and I'll take Victoria as I'm the only one capable of keeping those high notes the full time. Kurt, can you do George the Fourth?"

"Of course."

"But…"

"No buts, Mr Keller. Everyone else is chorus. Now, my dear Mr Wagner. Play!"

The music starts and they alternate between solos and chorales and I have to laugh at the speed at which they're singing.

"_I'm William the Conqueror  
My enemies stood no chance  
They call me the first English king  
Although I come from France  
1066, the Domesday book  
I gave to history  
So fat, on death my body burst  
But enough about me  
To help remember all your kings  
I've come up with this song  
A simple rhyme and ditty  
For you all to sing along!  
Oh! William!_  
Bit short, init? We need more kings. Who came next?"

Another singer takes over.

"_William Second, cheeks were red  
Killed out hunting, so it's said  
I took over, Henry One_"

The first singer continues.

"_That's my next eldest son  
Then King Stephen, it's true, check it!_"

A new singer, again another boy.

"_Hi, Henry Two, killed Thomas Beckett  
Richard Lionheart? That's right!  
Always spoiling for a fight  
Oh, King John! What a disaster!  
Rule restrained by Magna Carta!_"

Everyone chimes in for the next bit.

"_William, William, Henry, Stephen  
Henry, Richard, John, oi!_"

The last soloist sings again.

"_Time for my mate, King Henry Eight  
To take up this song_"

A deep male voice sings next.

"_Henry Three built the abbey  
Ed One hated Scots  
A red hot poker killed Ed Two  
That must have hurt him lots!  
Edward Third was a chivalry nerd  
Began the Hundred Year War_"

Another singer, again a boy.

"_Then Richard Two was king, aged ten  
Then Henry, yes one more!  
King Henry Four, plots galore  
Not least from Henry Five, moi  
I killed ten score at Agincourt  
Then Henry Six arrived! Wah!_"

The previous singer starts again, the deep male singer.

"_Edward Four, Edward Five  
Richard the Third, he's bad  
'Cause he fought wars with Henry Seventh  
First Tudor and my dad  
So Henry Eight, I was great  
Six wives, two were beheaded  
Edward the Sixth came next, but he died young  
And so my dreaded  
Daughter Mary ruled, so scary  
Then along came..._"

A girl chimes in again.

"…_me!  
I'm Liz the First, I had no kids  
So Tudors RIP!_"

Everyone starts singing again.

"_William, William, Henry, Stephen  
Henry, Richard, John, oi!  
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two  
Then three more Henrys join our song!  
Edward, Edward, Rich the Third  
Henry, Henry, Ed again  
Mary One, good Queen Bess_"

The girl sings again.

"_That's me! Time for more men!  
James Six of Scotland next  
As English James the First, he led  
Then Stuarts ruled, so Charles the First  
The one who lost his head_"

A boy starts singing, a new one.

"_No monarchy until came me,  
Charles Two, I liked to party.  
King Jimmy Two was scary, oooh!  
Then Mary was a smarty  
She ruled with Will, their shoes were filled  
By sourpuss Queen Anne Gloria  
And so from then, you were ruled by men_"

And then Etana sings the next line, holding the last note for an impressive amount of time.

"_Till along came me, Victoria!_"

Everyone starts singing again and when I peek in the window, Etana is conducting with her left hand, Nightcrawler's crouching by a CD player on a table and everyone is dancing around.

"_William, William, Henry, Stephen  
Henry, Richard, John, oi!  
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two  
Then three more Henrys join our song!  
Edward, Edward, Rich the Third  
Henry, Henry, Ed again  
Mary One, good Queen Bess  
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then  
Jim, Will, Mary, Anne Gloria_"

Etana sings the next line in perfect time.

"_Still to come, it's Queen Victoria!_"

Then Nightcrawler grins and starts singing.

_"And so began the Hanover gang  
George One and George Two..._"

Etana smiles and sings the next line.

"…_grim! Then George the Third was quite absurd_"

And Nightcrawler chimes back in.

"_Till I replaced old him_"

Etana laughs and sings the next few lines.

"_King George the Fourth and known henceforth  
As angry, fat and cross..._"

Nightcrawler pretends to look offended.

"_…_hang on!"

Etana flashes him a brilliant smile.

"_It's true you beat Napoleon  
But were mostly a dead loss..._"

He smirks back at her, then sings "bang on!" then Etana sings again.

"_Old William Four was a sailor..._" and Nightcrawler winks at the students then shouts"Ahoy!" Etana smiles and sings again, again dragging the last word out again at a marvellously high note.

"_That's nearly the end of the storya  
As onto the scene comes the best loved queen  
Hail to Queen Victoria!_"

And everyone grabs hands and starts to dance around as they sing the new chorus. The last name is sung over and over again, layering richly around the room.

"_William, William, Henry, Stephen  
Henry, Richard, John, oi!  
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two  
Then three more Henrys join our song!  
Edward, Edward, Rich the Third  
Henry, Henry, Ed again  
Mary One, good Queen Bess  
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then  
Jim, Will, Mary, Anne Gloria  
George, George, George, George  
Will, Victoria!  
Victoria!_"

Etana smirks then launches into the last verse.

"I ruled for sixty three years, you know!  
_Ed Seven, George Five  
Then Ed, George Sixth  
Liz Two then reigned and how!  
And so our famous monarch song  
Is brought right up to now!_"

Everyone looks at each other expectantly as Etana holds the note then they all sing together.

"_Oh! William, William, Henry, Stephen  
Henry, Richard, John, oi!  
Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two  
Then three more Henrys join our song!  
Edward, Edward, Rich the Third  
Henry, Henry, Ed again  
Mary One, good Queen Bess  
Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then  
Jim, Will, Mary, Anne Gloria  
George, George, George, George  
Will, Victoria!  
Edward, George, Edward, George Six  
And Queen Liz Two completes the mix!_"

There's a long pause, probably to allow them to catch their breath and then they all sing slowly to a beat.

"_That's all the English kings and queens  
Since William First that there have been!_"

And then they all laugh and Etana smiles and nods.

"Class dismissed!"

She turns to the window and smiles.

"Want to come to the staffroom for a drink?

* * *

_**A.N **Look up _Horrible History's Monarch Song _on YouTube. I guarantee it's a laugh._


	46. Embarrassing Cheerfullness

The room is light and airy, huge floor-to-ceiling windows running a whole wall, a high ceiling making the whole room seem larger than it actually is. Etana smiles at the many X-Men lounging on the chairs.

"Hello. Steve just came here to see what I spent an outrageous amount of money on."

Tora stares up from a child pen where Jamie is sitting trying to explain division to Eva and Stevie, both of whom are ignoring him.

"We didn't ask for the staffroom. She just added it into the plans. She's a good architect, did you know that?"

Etana rolls her eyes and flops into an armchair. Beast smiles at her.

"How's the other job going?"

"Well, stupid, arrogant men are trying to tell me I can't do my job because I'm a woman and a mutant… Just the usual really. Sexism and racism. How wonderful to see it is a prevalent as it always has been."

"So, what did you do?"

"Well, incriminating emails that contain information of affairs, political assassinations, bribes and unpaid fines are all speeding their way into their inboxes."

"Wait. Political assassinations?"

"Oops. Forget I said that. I'm just getting my time periods mixed up."

"Etana…"

She reaches out her arm.

"Tora, can you pass me Stevie?"

Etana manages to go through the incredibly complicated manoeuvre she had to develop to hold Stevie safely with only one and a half arms in a very short space of time.

"Did you hear us singing?"

"I think the whole school heard. What **were** you teaching them Tan?"

"Oh Logan, don't be such a bore. They can name all monarchs of England from William the Conqueror in order. And they have **fun** doing it. Tora, has Curt learnt the words to 'Born 2 Rule' yet?"

"Is that the reason he keeps shouting 'BANANA!'?"

"Yes, probably. He's singing George the Third's lines."

"Is that why his new favourite simile is 'batty as a bonkers kangaroo'?"

"Probably."

"Etana, where **are** you getting these songs?"

"An **amazing** educational, Pythonesque show for kids from Britain, all about History."

"Why are you showing them TV shows?! You were around for most of history anyway!"

"They learn the songs. They're still singing the Borgia family song and doing Pope Alexander VI Godfather impressions."

"What…?"

"You know, Italian-American accents and all the rest… Oh, you have to **watch** it."

"Etana, when **did** you watch this?"

"Well, I seem to be spending a lot of my time at home, bored out of my skin so I watch TV. And I found this show and I fell in love. It's amazing! And some of those terrible cures from the historical hospital and paramedic sketches I have had happen to me. Oh, if any of you get sent back to the Crusades, always go to the Arab doctor and avoid the European ones at **all** costs. They hadn't got a **clue**. Hint from a woman who almost had her leg amputated for a small abscess. Luckily I was rescued and treated **properly**."

She smiles at us.

"Well, better an arm than a leg."

And she waves her right arm at us, smirking. Logan just sinks deeper into his chair.

"Somebody shut her **up**!"


	47. Beat of Soul

I walk in and stop. Etana is sitting cross-legged on the floor, cradling a violin in her arm. Her fingers are tracing the frets, and I know she just wants to play. But she can't.

"Tan?"

She looks up then smiles sadly.

"I…I know I should sell this… give it away… It'll die if it isn't played… But… This violin was made especially for me and I would only ever play this one. I know… I know if I sold it, we could probably fund the school for a year or so but…"

"Wait. Fund the school on a **violin**?"

"It's a Stradivarius. Antonio Stradivari made it for me. I know it's selfish to keep it but I fear that if I sold it, it would never be played. It's **meant** to be played. It has a soul to it. He gave it to me and it felt as if…I don't know…Like I was complete. I play and I can forget what I am. And now I can't even play anymore."

Her fingers trace over the instrument, plucking a sting then closing her eyes.

"I miss playing music. I think that's what I miss most of all. Being able to create something beautiful out of wood and… I can't describe it…"

"You don't have to. I feel the same about drawing. Blank paper, a few pencils and you can create anything."

She smiles sadly.

"But in a way, I can still make music. I just can't play it anymore."

"Pardon?"

She pulls out a few sheets of music, notes slapdashed across the page. She shrugs.

"This is a rough draft. Once I've finalised it, I'll send it to a friend of mine with connections to an orchestra. He'll make sure it's played at least once."

"I'm sorry. That the Avengers weren't there… That we couldn't…"

"You had your own problems. It's fine, Steve. In fact, it's been a miracle I've never been injured this badly before. I knew it would happen eventually. The best warrior can be defeated by one man with little training, if luck favours their opponent. When I began, I only survived through luck. The sun would blind my opponent at a crucial point, or something would distract them. And then I became the skilled one and I was always careful. In battle, always fighting with one I could trust at my back, never letting myself be careless. I've survived by being careful."

I reach out and pull her to my chest. Her left hand rests there and I suddenly remember the time her hand –her right hand- used to be placed on my chest, feeling my heart beat and her silver eyes would be fixed on mine.

And almost as if she read my mind, her fingers shift to the left side of my chest.


	48. Boredom

Etana sticks her head in the door.

"Discus-Boy, I have to go to a private parent-teacher consultation. I may be gone a while."

"Oh, is this one of your students from further afield? Who is it? The Indian boy?"

"No. The son of the Shi'ar emperor. When I said a while, I meant a few days. Can you last without me?"

"Why can't Logan or the others go?"

"Well… Tora's under planetary arrest and isn't allowed to leave Earth until pain of death, Xixy would just start a war, Logan's got **far** too much on, Beast's in the middle of a sensitive experiment, Bobby hasn't got the 'clout' according to Logan because apparently the Shi'ar see ice as an inferior element, Kitty's busy, Rogue can't leave and Gambit isn't exactly popular with the Shi'ar right now for reasons I can't go in. So I offered to go. Anyway, Majestor Kallark is a solider first and foremost. He respects me for my strength in battle. And I'm not exactly capable of being on active duty right now."

"Etana, you're a lot more…verbose…recently…"

She shrugs.

"I'm **bored**. Bored bored bored bored bored…"

"Etana…"

"Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored **bored**! There's nothing **interesting** going on! Where are the alien invasions, the end of the world as we know its and the genocidal megalomaniac leaders!? I'm going to take up BASE jumping if something **interesting **doesn't happen soon!"

"Etana!"

She sighs.

"I'm sorry. I'm just not exactly cut out for the peaceful life. I used to **hate** being a shepherd. I didn't have enough patience."

"So… What exactly are you planning to do?"

"Oh, a Shi'ar ship is coming to pick me up, I'll reread the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings for the eighty-ninth time each and then I'll have a nice parent-teacher consultation and then come home reading the Le Carré's again."

"You read Tolkien much too often…"

"Well? It's not **my** fault he decided to write down what I told him…"

"Etana, that's not funny. Etana?! Did you actually **mean** that!? ETANA!"

But she's already vanished off, probably to pack three hundred books into one handbag. For a Bronze Ager, give or take a few years –she can't remember if she's Iron Age or Bronze age, given that the Iron Age was believed to have begun around ten years after the date she gives as her birth year, which means it could have begun twenty years **before** she was born- well, for a Late Bronze Age/Early Iron Age woman, she sure loves reading. As in, her castle in Scotland has a library filled with rare manuscripts and ancient tomes.

Oh, and apparently she helped Shakespeare write his plays…


	49. Return of the Angel

The monster managed to capture us and now has most of the Secret Avengers trussed up but is holding me by my neck. I wish Etana were here. But she's still not back from space and is apparently overdue. Logan's not worried. He reckons she'll be fine.

"Now, I'm going to **snap** your neck and then feed your corpse to the monster that hides in shadows!"

Then a low, clear voice rings out from the shadows.

"But you don't really **believe** in me, do you? You think the monster in the shadows is just a **fairy tale**! An irrational fear from the beginning of time! But you're wrong! Throughout history, your people have feared the shadows and that which dwells in it! You fear **me**!"

"Who's there?!"

"The Shadow Monster… Now **drop him**."

The hand around my neck tightens.

"I'll give him to you! Feed off him! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt m-"

His hand loosens and I fall to the floor as he sways back and forth, an arrow sticking right through his heart. I turn to Hawkeye, but he's still chained up and then the beast topples forwards and I see a polished black arrow flecked with inky black feathers, feathers I know very well indeed as more than once I've touched the wings they come from. But… That's impossible… You can't draw a bow with only one…

And then Etana steps out of the shadows, another arrow nocked in her bow, her right hand pulling the string right back.

"I. Don't. Eat. People."

Then she looks up, her eyes dark with anger.

"And **you** can try not to die while you're at it!"

"Tan… Your…arm…it's…"

She sighs.

"Yes, Gladiator drugged me and put a prosthetic on and I quite like it because it's far more advanced than anything else, isn't magnetic, isn't going to be disrupted by EMPs and actually is linked up to my nervous system. It's just like having my arm back."

She unhooks the arrow, tugs the other out of the monster's back, sticks them both in her quiver and then slashes a knife over the ropes.

"You're a foolish, idiotic, **imbecilic** man and I don't even know why I agreed to marry you if you keep getting into scrapes like this."

She goes around cutting the others down and Hawkeye grins and mouths 'burn…' Whatever that means. I'm still staring at Etana's arm. She obviously can feel it so turns around.

"Basically, he used a drug the Shi'ar designed to bring down Logan, kept me drugged for long enough for them to bioengineer a new arm using DNA samples then attached it in surgery."

"Soo-"

"It's basically a clone limb with a few added extras."

"Like?"

She shrugs.

"Extra strength. Pain resistance. Accelerated healing. Swifter reflexes. He offered to grow me an entirely new body, but I declined."

She flexes the fingers experimentally.

"I crushed a rock on the way back…"

Great. That's **just** what I need. Etana with the power to crush rock with one hand… We're all doomed…


	50. Humanity

She reaches up and catches the flying explosive, crushing it in the Shi'ar bioengineered hand. There's a slight pop and then she releases her hand, allowing the crumpled metal to fall at her feet. She grabs the man who threw the bomb by his neck and swings him around.

"What should I do to him, Steve?"

"Let him down, Shadow."

"He's not only tried to kill us, he's also threatened the lives of countless others. It would be so easy to twist my wrist."

"Shadow, **stand**. **Down**."

She looks at me and for a second I wonder why I'm even **trying** to order her about then she throws him at me.

"You're lucky Captain America doesn't believe in killing."

She glares at me.

"I hope he's worth it."

And she turns away, starts walking further, hand going to a knife. I would call out but there are a few things I know about Etana. One is, if you order her to do something she doesn't want to do, you let her blow off some steam, else she'll get mad, scream for while then disappear to stop herself from doing something she'll regret later. The knife is flicked in her hand then thrown with deadly accuracy, hitting the door and going up to the hilt. She utters a small curse, having forgotten the increased strength, walks over and wrenches it out. Then she spins round and her eyes are on fire. Which means she has a job to do.

"Anyone I know?"

She shakes her head and fades out. And I know that somewhere, someone has died after being in pain or to save a dear friend and Etana has gone to save them. She explained it quite cheerfully when I asked her. Each afterlife has its own vague police force but she's sort of like me in Death. Top cop, the one who runs the elite, her 'Chosen', i.e. those she comes for who are interested in a job in the Afterlife. Death's guard, the most influential in the Afterlife. Etana is second-in-command in Death, and therefore the one person you **don't** want to get on the bad side of. She controls who goes where after death, who goes to Vahalla, to Heaven, and who goes to torment and pain. You upset her, and it won't just be death you'll suffer. You'll burn as well. She seemed quite cheerful when she said this and I flagged her up on it. She'd just smiled that dangerous smile.

"There are some people I can't touch. Not when they're **alive** at any rate. But when they're dead, they're mine. And they learn what they did. I still haven't quite forgiven the Human Torch for getting to Berlin first. But now I have any number of high-ranking Nazi officials in a replica death camp."

She takes "an eye for an eye" very seriously indeed. And she takes death seriously too. Asked me once if I'd consider a high-ranking position in the Chosen, then shrugged and said we could talk about it at a later date. Her idea of a later date worries me though. She considers a decade a reasonable amount of time to plan ahead. Her patience astounds me at times.

She teleports back in and looks very pensive.

"Tan?"

"He was on life-support and heard his daughter was critically in need of a heart transplant. He was a match, so he got them to turn the machines off to save her life…"

She smiles very oddly.

"It's times like this I re-evaluate my view of human nature…"

"Which is?"

"All human beings are essentially amoral, selfish and dishonest creatures. Minus a few notable exceptions, one of whom I'm married to. Another reason you're an idiot."

I smile slightly at her. She seems slightly embarrassed to tell me she loves me, so she calls me an idiot instead. Some would be insulted. I just think it's slightly funny she can't tell me she's in love, because she's trying to deal with the fact she's been supressing most of her emotions for a long time. She's going to kill me when I mention the thing I've **accidentally** forgotten to mention, on account of the fact that she won't be able to protest when I tell her five minutes before we're to leave.

I'm fed up of hiding this from the world.


	51. Tease

She's cursing from the bathroom, spitting out swear words like a solider. Only in about twelve languages.

"Tana? I need to tell you something…"

"Shove off! You're in a lot of trouble!"

"Ah… What have I done?"

A long silence and I can tell she's trying not to yell. Then she changes the subject.

"Well what's this thing you need to tell me?"

"Er… I sort of got invited to the White House dinner party tonight…"

"And?"

"I got told to bring my wife along… And I say okay…"

The door opens and she **glares** at me.

"YOU DID **WHAT**?!"

"I said you'd come…"

She fixes me with her deadly look and a slight flicker of silver fire appears in her eyes. She's losing control, slipping out of humanity and into full-on Wrathful-Angel mode.

"Tana…"

She stares at me for a long second. Then, "Why?"

"I'm fed up of living a lie. I don't want to have to hide this, **us**. I want to go out there and say 'Yes, I married a mutant. Who cares? I love her and if you think I shouldn't have married her because she's different, then you aren't worth knowing'. I want the world to know I love you…"

She glares at me and then sighs.

"I need to go shopping."

"What?"

"Well, my last formal gown has been out of fashion for years."

"You're coming? I'm certain it'll be fine…"

"With a corset and hooped skirt?"

"Ah… Sorry…"

"I'll ring Emma. She's amazing at getting stylists to work within a deadline. Or Warren… Red?"

"You wear that too often."

Her eyes widen in a sudden rush of excitement.

"Oh, I **know**."

She vanishes and I lean into the bathroom, but whatever she was doing than angered her so is gone. She's good at clearing up stuff. She told me once if she ever turned and started killing people, no one would notice because she knows how to commit a perfect crime. She wouldn't tell me how though… Just gave me the **Look**. I see what Logan was talking about when he talks of Tora's **Look**. Etana's basically is her saying 'Oh **Steve**, stop being so **stupid** else I'll start making sarcastic comments' without a word.

I'm just staring to worry when she turns up and all I can do is **stare**. She's forgone red in exchange for a rich ivory sleek and slightly shiny material that stands out starkly against her velvety matte black fur, understated silver jewellery which looks antique and her hair coiled in an elaborate style that, when I look closer, is held in place by tiny silver wires. She smiles, swirls and I half-blink at the low-cut back, allowing her wings freedom to move.

"What do you think, Discus-Boy? Good enough?"

"Tan… Are you wearing **heels**?"

She smirks. Typical. She's gone from six foot to six foot three. I.e. taller than me.

"Are you doing this deliberately?"

She nods cheekily.

"Of **course** darling. Where would be the fun in **not**?"

"TANA!"


	52. Bang

"Captain Rogers! Pleasure to see you."

"Hello, Mr President. Have you met Etana?"

"She's your spymaster isn't she? Pleased to meet you properly. I take it your wife couldn't come, Captain?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that Sir. Etana, the President; Sir, Etana Rogers."

She nods slightly.

"Pleased to meet you. If I insult you, as Steve here will tell you, it means I like you. It's when I'm icily polite that you have to watch out."

"Pardon?"

"Etana insults people she likes. It's sort of her way of showing she thinks you're worthwhile enough to come up with an original insult for."

She shrugs. Then perks up.

"Nick! Hey Nick, you old one-eyed reprobate! Oi! Fuming-Face!"

She charges off towards Nick and I freeze for a second before smiling slightly.

"Yep, she gets on very well with Nick. He's one of the people with a personal nickname that you really don't want yelled out at state dinners."

"Where does she come from?"

"Er… She's… Well, lots and lots of places. Normally from places where there's just been a disaster and you need, in her words, 'someone with half an ounce of sense'. I despair at times…"

She's chatting furiously to Nick, arms waving about as she explains some amazing new plan of hers that probably involves a lot of gunpowder. She has a fondness for explosions that I've only seen rivalled in the X-Men's Gambit. One of her 'Rules' is 'If you can do something in more than one way, chose the one with the most explosions. It's more fun.' Her flare with fireworks is really rather worrying, although it means we always have amazing Fourth of July celebrations. It's rather funny to stay with the X-Men because they also get fireworks ten days later (French Bastille Day) and in November (British Bonfire Night) and about every other big international celebration that happens to involve fireworks, including New Year, Chinese New Year, Diwali or basically any excuse for Etana to go and play with gunpowder and powdered metals. About June the Twelfth, she goes and locks herself in her 'workshop' and refuses to let anyone in, coming out every now and then stinking of chemicals, eats a few bites then goes back in. And eventually comes out on the third of July with a huge box of fireworks for the FF, both X-Men teams, all three Avengers teams, the Avengers Academy and basically any team that expresses an interest. And it's worth it. Huge blossoms of colour, letters in the sky, all perfectly chorographed as lighting the first fuse is all you have to do before stepping back as she sets them up and they're all linked together, with slow burning fuses so they go at the right time. She's only allowed three other people into her workshop and that's Franklin and Valeria Richards and Jamie Logan. They came out three hours later with wide grins on their faces, streaks of coloured powder all over them and each holding one **huge** firework each. And they all talked about 'The Secret' which makes me think that Tan isn't making **conventional** fireworks at all.

She hurries over now, smiling broadly.

"Nick's just commissioned a fireworks display for next month! You know, SHIELD's big reopening! Oh, I have **so** many ideas! Would a huge flying eagle be tacky?"

"Does this mean I'm not going to see you for a month?"

"But it's **fireworks**!"

"Tana..."


	53. Forebode

Etana walks in, her face solemn and tired.

"Steve, Tora and I are going to Utopia for with Rachel Grey for a few weeks."

"Why?"

"We need to train the Messiah Child. Rachel held the Phoenix Force for years and never had a world-eating catastrophe. Tora's basically Dragon and I've had dealings with the Phoenix Force in both its benevolent and malevolent forms over the years."

"You're training a teenager to take on the Phoenix Force?"

"Strictly speaking, the Phoenix is coming for Hope and Hope is the Phoenix. Look, it's complicated. Tora's the only one who **really** gets it and she's hoping to explain all that. You know, before the Phoenix **properly** comes and Hope suddenly has twelve times the power she **should** have, along with Jean Grey-Summers being back and lodging with the Phoenix in Hope Summers' mind. Well, strictly speaking, Jean and the Phoenix are one and the same."

There's something else and I can tell it.

"Tan?"

She sighs.

"Kubark has been withdrawn from the Jean Grey Academy and… Steve, we think the Shi'ar are preparing a strike on Utopia. They will **kill** Hope rather than let the Phoenix Force take another avatar."

"What…?!"

"Scott, the Shi'ar massacred almost the entire Grey family. The only survivors were Rachel Grey, Cable and X-Man. Tora's arranging a protective net and Xixy has agreed to send out a request for K'Meeri backup. But we can only expect them in six to eight weeks. Our reports from the Starjammers suggest we have less than a fourth of that time."

"You mean…?"

"The Shi'ar Imperium is coming to Earth, quite possibly to kill not only Hope Summers but Tora and all those of the Grey Genome and almost certainly Tora's entire blood family. That includes two under sixes, and a non-combatant who only agreed to return to the school in the agreement that she wouldn't fight as an X-Man. Projections also suggest all Omega-level telepaths will be killed. All in all, we estimate about twelve percent of the surviving mutant race will be wiped out by an unprovoked attack. Hope's been **trained** for this since the day she was born. She **will** be our saviour."

"Etana?"

She looks up, so exhausted.

"She **has **to be. Because if she isn't we've damned ourselves."

She hugs me tightly, her face twitching slightly. She's **terrified**.

"Steve, I've sent Stevie to the Baxter Building. It's the safest place for him. The school will still be a point of attack, despite the fact it's mainly **children**. We've already started our plans in case of a strategic attack on Utopia. All X-Men but Gambit, Frenzy and Karma would head to Utopia. And…Steve, if you hear us call, come running. We can't hold out against the Shi'ar Death Commandos forever."

I nod.

"I'll have Brand assessing it for me. A Shi'ar ship enters the solar system, we'll warn you. I promise won't let the X-Men fall."

She smiles.

"I know. I… I just needed it said. And… Steve, I love you."

She walks out and all I can feel is a dead pit in my stomach. Why do I feel like I just said goodbye to Etana for the last time?


	54. Burn

The voice crackles over the speaker.

"_I repeat, Utopia is under attack by the Shi'ar Death Commandos. We are under attack! Request assistance from __**all**__ Avengers teams __**NOW**__!_"

I freeze. Brand was betrayed… Her sensors were blocked, letting the Shi'ar in. The K'Meer won't arrive for another week and when they do, we're likely to have a fully-fledged intergalactic war start on Earth between two of the greatest empires in the universe. But that's playing second fiddle right now.

Etana's on Utopia whilst Tora and Hope gathered their strength and precision until they felt able to repower those mutants who wanted it and to allow more to be born. Logan is clenching his hands tightly on the chair next to me and I know what's wrong. His wife is on Utopia. His wife is one of the biggest targets for the Shi'ar. His kids are a target. He's not the only one though. Etana's there. Stevie's safe in the Baxter Building but all I can feel is terror for Etana.

Logan's shouting about the Blackbird, taking his team to Utopia; I'm getting the Avengers ready and then there's the news feed from San Francisco is talking about a warship descending and a dragon in the sky, evacuations, terror, fires breaking out on the island.

I sit in silence all the way and Tony reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder.

"She'll be **fine**."

Wanda looks ill. I know she feels it's her **duty** to be here although the X-Men may react violently to her presence. But Tora's one of her oldest friends and Etana one of her most stalwart defenders so when she heard about the attack, she rushed over, offering all the help she could.

When we fly in, I can see how bad it is. Buildings are on fire, bodies –not all of them Shi'ar- litter the beach. And the Warbird is preparing to fire and a figure detaches from the fray and flies up towards it, before being obliterated by an energy blast and all I can think is 'please don't be Etana, please don't be Etana…' and we land and the first thing I see when I run out is Etana fighting what looks like six different Death Commando's, cursing violently in Hebrew as she stabs one right through the chest. I feel a soft touch in my mind and a voice echoes.

_Captain, this is Celeste Cuckoo. We're linking you into the fight-frame._

And I can sense everyone in the fight and who's fighting with who and exactly where Tora and Hope are and I glance over and see Tora standing beside Hope and Cable –minus his techno-organic virus, Tora's experiment having worked- energy crackling around them and a feeling of time itself being warped by the sheer power they're throwing off and I see one of Logan's team –Nightcrawler- fall after being shot between the shoulder blades and then Etana screams and I turn to see her whip around and behead a man before screaming again then raising a knife and severing her right arm… Her **Shi'ar** arm. She screams again then she raises her head and I can hear her voice and thoughts echoing around the whole island.

_Adonai, forgive me for what I am about to do._

And she bursts into flames and the Death Commandos surrounding her scream in agony as she burns them away to nothing. Three wingbeats and she's level with the Warbird.

_DIE!_

The entire ship burns away and black ash falls to the ground as Tony swears violently and then Etana…no… Then the Malach Hamavet is streaking towards the ground and the blade that severs body from soul slams into the ground and fire ripples out, burning through all the Shi'ar on the island and when it ends there's only silence.

Which is broken by a scream.


	55. Sacrificial

I whip around to see Hope trying to lever Tora upright, applying pressure to the blood running from a terrible gash in her chest, right through her heart. I'm up there in an instant, but Etana and Logan still beat me.

"What happened?"

Cable seems in shock.

"She… They threw a deathspear at Hope just before the shockwave hit… She pushed Hope out the way... That wound won't heal."

Tora's eyes are taking on a silvery sheen and blood trickles out her mouth. Logan kneels and clutches her to him but she coughs.

"Hope…? Tana…? Wanda…?"

"We're here."

Tora holds out her hands, shaking as Etana takes one hand and Hope takes the other, while Wanda takes Hope's place, cradling Tora's head in her lap. Tears slip over scarred cheeks, red rivers on pale skin and then all the blood is silver, like mercury and her eyes are filmed over.

"I…**I...am…Water**… And... **And…Life…Renewed**… **Now...and….forever**… **I…am…Dragon**… And… And... **And...**I say… **I…say…** **Enough death…** **Enough destruction…** **A life…for a…billion…lives… Death…Past…Present…and…Progress… This…is…the…only…way…**"

Her pearly eyes fix on Logan.

"**Remember me**…"

And then she glows silver as Etana's hand becomes wreathed in black fire and Hope Summers manifests a firebird and Wanda's hands glow with bright red energy and Tora's breathing stops and all across Utopia, blackened bodies of the X-Men killed in the attack are healing and they sit up, shouts of joy and then a message in our heads, brilliant and joyful.

_Thousands of new mutant manifestations across the globe!_

And then sudden horror as Logan lets out a purely animal scream of rage and unspeakable pain and all I can do is stare because Tora **can't** be dead… She **can't**.

But she died and brought back all the X-Men who are running towards her, Nightcrawler at their head and they're screaming, crying, **begging**. And all I can see are the four crowded around the body; Logan screaming in agony; Hope Summers –the Phoenix completely and truly- with tears streaking down her face; Wanda cradling Tora's head with red hair spilling across her lap and shock clear in her eyes; and Etana, face expressionless, blank and totally shattered. And then she bursts into flames and fades out and I **know**. That Tora had died and that Etana –that the Malach Hamavet has gone for her.

And Logan's screams tear through the blood-red sky.

* * *

**_A.N. _**_Please don't kill me! I'm going to hide under a rock somewhere now…_


	56. Heartbreak

Logan won't answer my calls. Etana's gone AWOL. Tora's funeral has been postponed while we sort out the situation with the Shi'ar. They were ready for the Phoenix. Ready for Dragon. But Etana had them running. The K'Meer have declared war on the Shi'ar. Tora was their **god**. You don't just kill the principal god of one of the most powerful galactic empires ever without retribution. They wanted her body… They wanted Tora's body… Hank and Scott –who seem to have taken the roles of leaders of the X-Men- refused point blank and their K'Meer ally, Xixswalstar –who also happens to be their Crown Prince- agreed. Tora remains on Earth. Her home. Because her final act… That wasn't Dragon. That **couldn't** be Dragon. That was **Tora**. That was Tora through and through. She used the last of her life force –her **potential** life force as well as the lives Etana took that shouldn't have been taken, channelling it through an Angel of Death and the avatar of the cosmic entity of change and progress to bring back the dead X-Men as well as reignite all the X-Genes of depowered mutants and break Wanda's spell –using the Witch herself. Giving Hope in the last moments of her life.

Cyclops stands beside me as we look down at the body. It's a wreck. The wounds have been stitched up some thirty times and they just reopen every time. According to Hope, Tora didn't just die. She dissipated Dragon across the entire world, using up all the life force used since the beginning of the universe to reignite the mutant race. It'll be **centuries** before the Dragon is anywhere **near** full power again. Tora not only sacrificed herself. She sacrificed any chance she had of ever coming back. Scott finally speaks.

"She said she couldn't fix it. I was wrong, Captain. I was **wrong**. Hope isn't the Mutant Messiah. Tora was. And I… Steve, I've been treating her as a strategic asset for the past six months… Steve, that's Jean's best friend lying down there and I was as powerless to save her as I was Jean. Logan will probably never forgive me. And…Steve, I think Tora knew. I think she took to the field, **knowing** there was no way she could survive but determined to fight anyway. She **knew** that it was going to be her or Hope, yet she still chose Hope's life over her own. She's a damn sight braver than anyone I've ever met."

I gulp. This is going to be difficult.

"Er… Wanda… The Scarlet Witch… She wants to be able to pay her respects."

Cyclops glares at me.

"If it wasn't for her, Tora wouldn't be **dead**."

"And you think that sits easy on Wanda right now?! For pity's sake, Scott! Tora and Wanda were friends! They trusted each other implicitly and they would **die** for each other! Do you know what Wanda wishes? To have her friend **die** in her arms?! She wishes she were **dead**, so that Tora wasn't! We caught her trying to cast a hex to swap their places. She wants to try and make up…"

"She can't. Unless the Witch can give three children back their mother, Logan back his wife, Vérité back her sister, the X-Men back a friend and the world back a hero; she can do **nothing**."

I can't answer that. Scott has always been hard to read, holding his emotions close to his chest. That he's displaying his grief like this… Tora meant a lot to him. A lot to the X-Men… A lot to **us**. Go to Utopia and the X flag that flies is at half-mast. Everyone is wearing at least one item of black, even if it's just a small ribbon. The school… when I went, was eerily silent. Distrustful glances was all I got. There's good reason for that. We should have **been** there! The Avengers should have **been** there! A good woman was killed because of our failure. The Logan kids will never really remember their mother. I remembered going to pick up Stevie from the Baxter Building and Eva just walked over and pulled on my trousers and asked 'Uncle Steve, Maman isn't **really** dead, is she?'

My heart broke.

* * *

_**A.N. **Sorry. I'll been in Switzerland without Internet access for a while. Gorgeous country. Also, just got back from 26 hour journey home, don't expect this author's note to make much sense.  
_


	57. Euology

The four figures seem so solitary and lonely. Logan, Etana, X-23 and Poison, carrying the coffin, followed by a tall, black-haired woman holding Jamie and Eva's hands. Eloise Circen seems unable to cope. Not surprising, seeing as she's only just got back from burying her parents. The Shi'ar may not have managed to kill her or Tora's kids, but thought nothing of exterminating Tora's parents. A woman who left the X-Men as she felt the superhero life wasn't hers is still hurt by us. The coffin-bearers stop, gently lowering the polished wood down with almost indescribable tenderness. Nightcrawler steps forward and speaks softly, crossing himself, administering the whispered prayer… "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…" And Logan steps forward, his eyes downcast.

"For… For the briefest of moments, back on Utopia, I thought we had won. I thought we had **won**. And then I heard the scream. Tora was… she was beautiful, stubborn and always did what was **right**, not what was easiest. She was so strong and yet so… Never mind… I loved her… More than I ever really remember loving anyone. And…All I can do is make sure she didn't die in vain. She **will** be remembered."

He steps back, gulping slightly and it's a mark of how well I know him that I can see he's holding back the tears. Curt steps up. His eyes are red, but he doesn't look away.

"I was meant to be a killer. I was meant to be an assassin. I was meant to be **bait**. Maman made me so much more. She made me a human; a living, breathing person with my own thoughts, feelings and opinions. She showed me that how people saw you isn't necessarily what you have to **be**. They called her an animal as a child. But I think she later used that as a token of pride. Yes, she was an animal. But not in the way they meant. She was a caring mother, loving mate and loyal pack member. She turned their accusation on its head and made being an animal a good thing. And if being human…being human means being like the Shi'ar… Then I think I'll follow her in her ideology. Better to be a peaceful animal than a murderous human."

His face is streaked with tears and when he steps down, Speed puts an awkward arm around his shoulder. X-23 walks over, her face totally expressionless.

"I…I don't really know what to say… Tora… She was my sister…my mother…something. She looked out for me, but never tried to tell me what to do… Advised, but never ordered. She showed me that what was done to us… What **they** did to us was wrong but we didn't have to make that be us. We didn't have to be victims. We could be more than they wanted us to be. She showed me that if I want to beat them, I can't do it by hunting them down. I have to show them I **don't care**. That I've got over what they did to me. That I built my own life and they can't rule over me anymore. So I will. Because Tora wouldn't want me to let them win."

Her face is still impassive, stony. But when she walks away, there's the tiniest slump in her shoulders that states her grief. Eloise Circen walks over, leaning on a tall, brown-haired man who kisses her forehead before leaving her to talk.

"I…I never knew Marie Circen. But I did have the honour and the privilege of knowing Tora Logan. And a better sister I could not have asked for. She never tried to change me and was…she was so calm and collected. I feel she knew me better than I did myself at times. And… And now she's gone. I can't really say much more. People keep asking me how I feel. Ask me again in a few months. When it finally sinks in that she's dead. Because right now, I just feel numb. Thank you, to a sister so unique that I could never describe you."

She smiles weakly and walks off. The speeches come swiftly; Cyclops, talking about Tora's bravery in the face of danger; Hope Summers, talking about being raised by some thirty different Toras; Storm smiling through an anecdote about one of Tora's typically sarcastic statements in the face of danger. Nightcrawler…

"Tora… Tora showed both the best and the worst of humanity. She was imprisoned by the worst, who tried to turn her into a weapon for their own purposes. Yet she was always calm, forgiving and careful. She listened, never judged. She was the best. An inspiration. My hero. And without her, we have to be careful not to forget ourselves. Or her sacrifice. I…I have to say this… She would want me to… _Gott ist gut._"

He smiles weakly but when he gets down he goes to Logan, wrapping his arm around Logan's shoulders and rocking him slightly. Others go up. They simply repeat what those before them have said. But when Wanda steps up, icy silence ripples out. She coughs, clears her throat and begins.

"Tora was my friend. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say she was my **best** friend. There are some things that can't be created by anything else, and the pain of losing a child… That's one of them. We were friends through suffering and penance. Tora lived with guilt for things that were out of her control. She was forever torn by what she did or didn't do. I cared deeply for her and I will always know and live with the knowledge that it was my actions that killed her. And I know I will never forgive myself."

She stops and walks away, head down, not looking at anyone. And then Etana walks forward. She glances up, back down and them up. And begins…


End file.
